A. Холостяк #25 Matt James

barish

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Chelsea

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

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MJ

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

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Rachael

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

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Bri

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

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“Queen Victoria” persona

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Pieper

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Pieper, 23
Graduate Student, Happy Valley, Oregon

Don't discount Pieper as just a pretty face because there is way more to this stunner than meets the eye. She's truly the total package! Pieper has a dynamite personality, a creative mind, a master's degree in marketing and a wonderful family who has supported all her endeavors. The only thing missing for Pieper? A man to enjoy life by her side! Pieper is caring, giving, and loves to learn what brings her partner joy so she can foster that happiness. She loves to spend quality time with her significant other, but also very much values independence and having parts of her life that remain her own. Pieper needs someone with confidence and someone who knows what they want in life because forethought is so important to her. It's easy to see what makes Pieper a total catch and we think Matt will have no problem seeing it too.

- Pieper is very into European cars and dreams of owning a Rolls Royce one day.
- Pieper loves her grandma the most in this world and calls her Gram-cracker.
- Pieper is not into picnics because the idea of sitting on the ground and eating is not appealing to her.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Pieper James

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Episode 3

“I’m so sick of feeling frustrated.”
—Serena C, effectively summing up much of the contestant experience

LAST WEEK, CONT’D

Episode 3 picks up with the conclusion of Sarah’s near-fainting spell, with Matt whisking her outside. (I personally think the unsung hero in this scene was Bri, though, in not only physically supporting Sarah, but by encouraging her to sit on the floor instead of trying to make it to the sofa!)

Of course, Matt rushing to Sarah’s aid couldn’t simply be a kind gesture on his part. Despite the sprawling resort grounds, it somehow had to be done in plain sight of the other ladies…

I didn’t love the assumption made by some of the ladies that perhaps Sarah was faking this, especially in the context of her already having a rose (as though if she didn’t have a rose it would somehow be more acceptable?) I’ll circle back to my thoughts on Sarah later…

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

GROUP DATE #1

The week’s first Group Date involves writing and reading erotic “love stories”. This was amusing but my favorite moment was Ashley I’s hilarious reaction to Victoria’s story veering into “X” territory…

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

All early Group Dates try to incorporate sex or near-nudity in some way, so all in all, while I would have HATED to have been on this date, I suppose it was more tasteful than most.

I’m not surprised The Powers That Be chose to air Katie saying the following, since it justifies the date activity and makes them look good…

… and while I do see where Katie’s coming from, this is awfully generous. There’s a difference between being “comfortable” talking about what your desires are (for example, IN PRIVATE TO YOUR PARTNER) and reading them aloud for other women (women dating the same guy!) to hear. Like I said, I think this date activity a bit more tasteful than usual, but to portray it as some “empowering” activity—as though what a someone would write in this story exactly how they feel about their personal desires—is a bit of a stretch. (I basically feel about it the exact way Serena C’s expression suggests!)

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

The most notable thing about this entire date is, of course, how it affects Sarah. She seems surprisingly perturbed hearing the other women’s “love stories”, and in a way that can’t be dismissed by fishy Pick-ups or voiceovers. (There was some frankenebiting but nothing stood out to me as out of the ordinary.)

Sarah decides to crash the Group Date Cocktail Party to voice her concerns with Matt, a MAJOR no-no. I always wince when contestants fall into this trap—and it is a trap, because zero chance a producer didn’t encourage or enable her to do this—as it assures their position as enemy number one moving forward, a very difficult position to recover from. (Remember Noah?)

After interrupting Katie, Sarah reveals a clue as to why she might be having as hard a time as she is…

This really stands out to me because, remember, she would have felt pressure to “open up” like that in the first place. (Remember how not being “open and vulnerable” suggest you’re not emotionally invested?) So, she’s first pressured to share more than she otherwise would on a first date. This naturally causes her to feel closer with Matt and become more emotionally invested, only to feel like the rug is being pulled out from under her when he pursues that same connection with those around her. This is classic early 1-on-1 date recipient behavior—we’ve seen countless contestants with early 1-on-1s struggle with this, to the point where I personally suspect some early 1-on-1 recipients are chosen BECAUSE they might struggle with it.
I know, I know. This is The Bachelor and everyone knows what they signed up for. (More on that in a bit.) But I maintain Sarah was very likely cherry picked and then chipped away at specifically to reach this point. I’m not defending her entirely as she should have known to hold off until her own Group Date to talk to Matt (as I always say, contestants are ultimately responsible for their own actions—no producer can make you do anything), but I think there’s a lot more to her thought process here than simply her being selfish and disregarding the others’ 1-on-1 time.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Unsurprisingly, Katie reports back to the other Group Date ladies that Sarah has invaded, and they send her back to reclaim her time. I think Katie was 100% in the right here and was well within her right to take back time that was hers to begin with. I have to admit, however, that I laughed SO HARD watching Matt during the following exchange, while Katie and Sarah spoke about him like he was some inanimate object or not in the room at all…

I swear, you can almost (almost!) see him surpress a grin, which makes sense as he was never a contestant having to interrupt, steal, and defend 1-on-1 time of his own.
Matt’s conspicuous uninvolvement here—especially given he’s a newbie to this show—serves as hint #8703 that the lead is instructed to be passive and to let the contestants fight this stuff out amongst themselves.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

We all knew this would REALLY spiral out of control once we saw the following…

This show is becoming far too predictable. We saw this last season and the season before that. A contestant crashes or steals time that isn’t theirs, which would be a non-issue if the Cocktail Party resumed as normal. But of course, The Powers That Be instead cut that Cocktail Party short, robbing several contestants of the 1-on-1 time they had so patiently waited for.
So, remember, first they assign a 1-on-1 to Sarah, a contestant they can envision unraveling. (This is just me speculating, but I don’t think I’m far off.) Next, they encourage/pressure her to open up more than she would, causing her to feel more invested, and subsequently, more jealous. Next, she’s encouraged to dispel/ease her jealousy by speaking with Matt right away, on a Group Date that isn’t hers (and that she presumably was intentionally not on). Finally, despite Sarah’s conversation with Matt likely lasting a whopping 10 or so minutes, which would otherwise be a blip in the evening, The Powers That Be call off the rest of the evening so that blame falls squarely on her.
I know drama is an integral part of this show, but can we PLEASE get some new material??

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

SERENA P’S 1-ON-1

Every once in awhile you get a contestant you simply love to watch, and you’d even want to be friends with, and for me, Serena P is that contestant. Her talking about her father’s life being “linear” (which, to be fair, is probably most lives) SERIOUSLY resonated with me…

… and as someone who probably hasn’t had that “linear” life in more ways than one (nor has Andy, who I describe as a cat with 9 lives), and as someone regularly fields questions about kids and white picket fences and what that next “linear” step in my life should look like, I really appreciate Serena P’s way of thinking. Talk about wisdom at a young age.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Similarly, I seriously related to Matt’s response…

If I didn’t also feel this way at his age, I certainly never would have gone on The Bachelor in the first place! I suppose In many ways, you could consider this show a turning point for most of the people who go on it.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

In the evening, Serena P solidifies her spot in my favorites column by showing the exact right amount of critical thinking when she says she could see herself “falling in love”…

It IS weird! I always love when contestants show awareness of the strangeness of the situation they’re in and can, whether directly or indirectly, admit they went in not necessarily expecting to “find love”. This doesn’t make them insincere, it just makes them realistic.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

SARAH

Speaking of contestants not necessarily expecting things to happen to them, Sarah emerges from her room after a few days (I’m still confused by the rooming situation!!!) to hear the Group Date card being read, and things quickly become heated. First, I’ve seen people say they thought Sarah was emerging only because the Date Card was relevant to her, was of interest to her. (I didn’t see it this way at all; after all, she would know simply by process of elimination that she’d be on that second Group Date.) This becomes a scene of her apologizing and the women continuing to give her a hard time. Now, you guys know I’m a big word and specificity person, so I’m sure it’s not surprising I found Sarah’s apologies a bit lackluster. (There’s a difference between “I’m sorry I did that to you” and “I’m sorry but I didn’t know what else to do.”) Also, there’s no question she didn’t do herself any favors by holing up in her room and being antisocial. Had she simply apologized sincerely, and early, and continued to act normally, I don’t think this would have been blown so out of proportion. What she allowed to happen was let everyone else become closer with each other (AND their producers—after all, who do you think was prompting the conversations about her?) instead of building those relationships herself. Sarah was certainly screwed to some extent by crashing a Group Date she wasn’t on (there’s only so much you can recover after a faux-pas of this degree), but there was some damage mitigation she could have done afterwards, which she didn’t.
Nevertheless, it’s hard not to have a heart for Sarah. This scene was brutal to watch, and it really felt enabled further by—shocker—Victoria. I got the distinct feeling the other women (particularly Kit, Anna, and Serena C) might not have been SO harsh had they not had such a willing, outspoken, and enthusiastic ringleader.
It became clear that the other women didn’t know about Sarah’s family situation, and it’s a sobering reminder that we don’t know each other’s struggles and how they might impact one’s mental state, and the best way to be is to ALWAYS give others the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, this is an environment in which contestants feed off having a common enemy.

Two things about the following stood out to me…

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

First, note how Bri is nodding in agreement. It made me wonder if Sarah DID have a friend or two in the house, but that support wasn’t shown. (It wouldn’t be the first time this happened—on Ben Flajnik’s season, villain extraordinaire Courtney Robertson did have a friend in the house, Casey Schteamer, but her edit showed her having no one.) Second, what Sarah says here is incredibly accurate: the dichotomy of objectively understanding what you were coming into, versus it being very unlike your expectations. It always irks me when viewers and contestants alike use “you knew what you signed up for” as a one-size-fits-all counterargument for contestants’ struggles and poor decision-making. I was actually talking to Nick Viall about this fairly recently, about how people THINK contestants know what they sign up for, but they really don’t. You cannot predict the contestant (or lead) experience, nor how it will emotionally affect you, unless the only thing you predict is unpredictability. I would actually say MOST contestants don’t actually think they’re going to fall for the guy (à la Serena P!).
Another thing stood out to me here…

Again, I don’t think Sarah should have focused on what made things “difficult” for her. No matter how justified she felt in her actions, when you have a room full of angry contestants who haven’t had 1-on-1 dates, it’s just a wiser and more productive choice to fall on your sword, apologize, and keep your reasons WHY to yourself. But what’s interesting about Sarah’s case is it shows the different perspective of an early 1-on-1 recipient. Indeed, it’s easy to look at her and think that, because she got a 1-on-1 in the first week, she has had it “easy”. But it’s for that very reason that it is hard, just in different way. Remember, the origins of this blog’s name are from a similar feeling; I said on my own season: “It’s tough to go from feeling quite singled-out and special and understood to feeling like just another face in the crowd.” I’d even say that, in this situation, there’s an argument to be made that it could be harder to go from feeling understood to feeling invisible, more so than it is to never quite feel understood in the first place. They’re difficult in different ways.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

The next day, Katie goes to speak with Sarah. (Katie is really turning out to be the season’s MVP—I agree with everything she says and does.) I don’t think there was a dry eye during their touching conversation about their fathers. But notice how, in a frankenbitten voiceover, the show wastes no time in steering Sarah’s reasoning back to a place of drama….
Sarah
“My dad is everything to me. I think he wants me to be happy and find love / so it’s not / just / because of my dad’s condition. / It’s also / the tension in the house.”

Sarah does eventually leave. Now, I’ve seen some opinions online that argue, given her father’s condition, Sarah was “selfish” to pursue this experience in the first place. I find this to be a very narrow-minded and judgmental way of thinking. First, I sincerely doubt Sarah was not allowed to talk to her family with some regularity during filming, perhaps with a producer present. (Just as contestants with children are allowed to periodically Skype their kids, I am certain Sarah was given the same privilege with her father.) Also, the woman LEFT HER CAREER to become her father’s caregiver, for Pete’s sake. Is she meant to wait for her father to pass away before having experiences for herself, and could potentially share with him? (Also, with ALS, her father is mentally sound. Perhaps he WANTED her to have this experience, and wanted to witness it while he still could. Perhaps it was every bit as exciting for him as it was for her to have this experience.) I’ve seen people say, well my dad was sick/had ALS/has passed so I get it, and would never do what she did. But… those people’s families are not Sarah’s, or vice versa. Don't judge others or make assumptions about others’ families, nor for how they should show their support or love for one another. As Katie aptly put it…

Exactly.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

PREDICTIONS

My frontrunners are…

1. Bri, 24:

Bri continues to get consistent airtime. She’s blissfully drama free which means she will likely continue to sail towards the finish line without swirling rumors that could cause a premature demise. As is usual for early 1-on-1 date recipients, she’s under the radar after her date, but we all know Bri is a frontrunner.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)