The Bachelor: The Most Unforgettable-Ever!

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Season 6 Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky would become an E! News correspondent and, in easily the biggest leap of Bachelor Nation history, made a small cameo in a Woody Allen film. But these stories were few and far between—no one really expected appearing on this show to alter the course of their lives. Perhaps a contestant or two thought exposure wouldn’t hurt, but few people expected much “fame” to follow. Your 15 minutes really were limited to however long anyone remembered you.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

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Maybe I’ll sound old-fashioned in admitting this, but I long for those days. I’d be lying if I said I thought the show is better today. In fact, in just about every possible aspect, it’s worse. Reality TV is about real people, and watching Sean’s season highlights last night, I missed the days where the women on this show seemed to represent the everywoman. These women were normal ladies with normal lives and jobs; not an aspiring “content creator” or pageant queen in sight. Without Instagram followers beckoning, we knew these women were at least somewhat sincere. They went on the show because they were single—they didn’t become single to go on the show. When Catherine told Sean, “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t you,” I actually believed her.

Today, that line is an eye roll-inducing Bachelor trope.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Notably, the villain was a much more complicated creature back then. Today, we equate villainy with airtime, and airtime with Instagram fame. We are pulling further and further away from “reality” as we watch contestants angle for airtime rather than the lead’s affections. I’m utterly fascinated by Tierra.

Last night, we were shown in vivid detail her most iconic moments: her pout turning into a slow grin as Sean leaves to fetch her the Group Date rose, her falling down the stairs, the legendary polar bear plunge “hypothermia.” This was BEFORE social media made this kind of behaviour useful. It made villains so much juicier, to know the gain for them wasn’t nearly what it is today. Was it really just for his attention, not the airtime? That alone feels so pure and sincere by comparison with today. I’ve long felt Instagram has been irreversibly destroying The Bachelor, and last night convinced me all the more.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

When you consider a season itself is a collection of its own “greatest hits” moments from filming, last night’s recap was essentially a double-distilled version of the original. While we can’t complain about the fast pace, there was little nuance to be observed. We could only sit back and take Chris Harrison’s ever-hyperbolic word for it as he described each woman and her relationship with the lead. It got me wondering: Who is going to watch this? I mean that sincerely. Do first kisses and professions of love and proposals translate without feeling like you know these people, without the build-up of their interactions? Will we sink our teeth into villains without the context of having our nerves grated? In my case, it was mildly pleasing to have my memory jogged. I enjoyed being taken back to a time in my life intrinsically linked to Sean’s season, to reminisce about a pre-social media cast. But would this be entertaining—or even interesting—for someone who hadn’t actually seen it?

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Looking forward, it’ll be interesting to see what other seasons are considered the “best ever”. We already know who the franchise favourites are based on guest appearances: Sean Lowe and Ben Higgins are frequent guests on newer seasons, surprising the latest leading man with advice on how to shop for a wife on TV. Kaitlyn Bristowe and Jojo Fletcher make regular appearances and were recently featured as judges on Listen To Your Heart. These were all good seasons, but this walk down memory lane will be a waste if we’re shown mostly recent-ish seasons. My hope is that Sean’s journey—only seven years back in an 18-year stint—isn’t considered vintage.

Finally, in light of the powerful Black Lives Matter movement: Looking back over the many options—40 seasons across 18 years—really puts into perspective just how undeniably and offensively WHITE this show is. It’s not a pleasant observation, but nor is it some revelation. Sure, it might be easy (or at least more convenient) to scoff at the role this franchise plays: Should a largely fluffy reality show about finding love really be responsible for representing diversity? Frankly, yes, it should. I understand TV is a numbers game and all decisions are made with ratings in mind. However, with those ratings comes responsibility. When so many millions of eyeballs are watching, there comes a point where you are either working to fix the problem, or you’re a part of the problem. 18 years in, we’re well past that point. The Powers That Be need to stop covering their eyes, ears and mouths, especially since a cast of more diverse leads and contestants is ultimately a win-win: Either they realize ratings will be unaffected, or those ratings will be affected and a portion of The Bachelor‘s viewership can be outed as being prejudiced. In the unfortunate latter scenario, are these really the people we want to entertain and pander to? There are a lot of uncomfortable truths coming to light at this time, but it’s time to face that discomfort rather than keeping our heads in the sand any longer. Casting Rachel Lindsay as the first ever Black lead (15 years in!) was a step in the right direction, but the franchise must realize that wasn’t an end goal they should be patting themselves on the back over. It was only the beginning.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

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Sharleen Joynt on Episode 2 of The Bachelor: The Greatest Seasons—Ever!


I wasn’t able to really enjoy Kaitlyn’s season when it first aired. Since I began writing about this show in 2014, and to this day, Kaitlyn’s is the sole season I didn’t recap on my blog. I felt too entrenched in it: I had heard from Nick about his crush on Kaitlyn for weeks, as well as his deliberation leading up to his trip to NYC. Andy and I had dinner with Nick the night before he would crash her rap battle Group Date; we would even meet him there. When Nick was gone filming for quite some time, we began to genuinely think he might wind up engaged. When he called me from the airport after getting second place again (a Bachelor franchise first and sure to be last), my heart broke for him. How anyone could think he had anything but sincere intentions in pursuing Kaitlyn—when no one knew she’d for certain become the Bachelorette and given that pursuit would involve moving into a house as unwelcoming as Kaitlyn’s—is beyond me.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

What complicated things was the fact that I genuinely adore Kaitlyn, both on and off my TV screen.

In 2015, it was difficult to watch what had been described to me in detail, to watch one friend deeply hurt another friend. But, time heals all wounds (OK, most wounds) and last night I was finally able to sit back and enjoy Kaitlyn’s season for what it was: excellent television.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Last week left me thinking there was little reason to watch this series of Greatest Seasons Ever. Sean Lowe’s episode, while enjoyably nostalgic for me, didn’t provide much besides an extended montage and a few catch-up conversations. Hardly a good return on a three-hour time investment, even with pandemic-lowered entertainment standards. A question I posed to you last week, without any irony, was, “Who is going to watch this?” Thankfully, last night was a different story. Perhaps realizing their track record with successful love stories is more woeful than they’d have you believe (legend has it more singles find love on The Biggest Loser than they do The Bachelor), The Powers That Be took a sharp turn and focused on a lightning rod rather than a happy ending.

It paid off. Kaitlyn’s season, while still on the recent side, has aged very well.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

First, her crop of men was one of the best we’ve ever seen: Not only Shawn Booth and Nick Viall, but other Bachelor Nation classics like Ben Higgins, Jared Haibon and Tanner Tolbert got their start on this season.

(Knowing Jared and Tanner would go on to marry two ladies from Kaitlyn’s original season—Chris Soules’s season—tickles me.) We’ve known for years a season’s success has as much to do with the cast of contestants as it does the lead herself, so this really was the ultimate dream team.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Last night, Nick’s love “letters” to Kaitlyn were finally brought to light, a move I found brilliant. It kept things new and interesting and also added further context to their relationship. Hearing Nick put into words his current friendship with Kaitlyn and how they’ve joined each other’s podcasts, it put into perspective what this show really is about in the long term.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

It’s well and good that Catherine and Sean ended up together, but this is every bit as valid an ending.
Kaitlyn wasn’t wrong to pick Shawn—they were together a whopping 3.5 years.

She was absolutely correct in her choice, and Nick himself admitted he and Kaitlyn probably wouldn’t have worked out either. “The End” isn’t about finding your husband/wife and getting married. (I can speak from experience that in many ways that’s just the beginning.) Rather, this was about what choices Kaitlyn made with what she was given, both in terms of cast and circumstances. She and Nick are friends to this day, and they’re both really happy and far better off. Highlighting this shows what The Bachelor experience is really about: self reflection, self discovery, the ability to forgive and be forgiven, humility.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

To me, Kaitlyn was the ultimate Bachelorette and last night didn’t alter that opinion.

She’s sweet and funny, yes, but she’s also blunt and has a backbone. She’s self-deprecating yet confident. Her ITMs felt like a conversation you’d have with a friend; there was no filter, nothing put on. I’ve talked ad nauseam about how I long for the days when reality TV felt real. Kaitlyn personified real. While she no doubt took on the adventure knowing it could bring about opportunity—as any human would—absolutely nothing she said or did felt in the interest of her “building her brand” or kowtowing to what viewers would expect or want from her. Her brand IS honesty and authenticity, and has been to this day. That brings me to the famed talking point of her season—that aforementioned lightning rod—when Kaitlyn would (gasp!) have sex with Nick at the end of their 1-on-1 date.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

At the time, watching it, I can’t say I saw the whole sex-before-the-Fantasy-Suite thing as the big deal it would end up becoming. After all, had Kaitlyn waited another two weeks for the Fantasy Suite, even if it meant sleeping with three different men back-to-back, this would have been accepted as totally fine and even normal. Now, I realize the casualness I feel towards this likely makes me a product of a similar social culture; sleeping with a guy at that point in the relationship wouldn’t feel wrong to me, nor would it to any of my friends. So, I do see how a lot of this comes down to your personal beliefs—often involving religion—and how intimacy lines up with that. But, even if you are against premarital sex, a) objectively, doesn’t it make more sense for the lead to get intimate with her date when it feels right, not when the show’s arbitrary format tells them to? (I always laugh to myself remembering that condoms are provided in the Fantasy Suite, as if to say, “Alright, you may boink now.”) Isn’t it less likely to feel clinical and comparative if it’s a natural, spur-of-the-moment decision? And, b) why are you watching The Bachelor franchise, which quite literally pimps out its many contestants to one lead and asks her to try each one on for size? Everything about The Bachelor encourages romance, romance is intrinsically linked with sex, yet the show simultaneously seems to champion chastity. It is confused.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

For me, watching Kaitlyn take a guy home after a romantic date was and still is the ultimate in reality TV. It is both real and relatable. We’ve all been there: on a steamy date and not wanting the night to end. I wouldn’t choose a boyfriend, much less a fiancé, without making sure the sexual compatibility was there. (I LOVED when Kaitlyn said, in her interview last night, “Even though I didn’t pick that person, I didn’t want there to be shame around [the intimacy] because that was just part of how I got to the end.” The sex isn’t some pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; it is far more part of the rainbow itself, a factor in the decision-making process.) So while one could argue Kaitlyn went about it wrong, or didn’t exhibit the self-control she should have, this comes back to what I seek more than anything from this show: realness. Trust me, if it were just about looking great, lasting a while on TV or collecting followers, it’d be easy to do and say the “right” thing, behave in the “right” way. But this “mistake,” this was a moment of reality, of a woman doing what she wanted for her, not for the benefit of millions of viewers. Last night, the show repeatedly referred to Kaitlyn as being a “trailblazer” and I wholeheartedly agree. If you enjoyed the rawness of Hannah Brown’s season, you have Kaitlyn to thank for paving the way.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

But—there’s always a but!—for how much credit was given to Kaitlyn for being that trailblazer, I found it curious that the show tiptoed around what she was credited as being a trailblazer for. When I think of Kaitlyn’s turn as Bachelorette, I think of a sexually empowered female. Here was a woman—not a girl—who, as Deanna Pappas aptly put it, “knew she was attracted to a man and as a grown woman made a decision to explore that.” But, interestingly, while the show is apparently quick to take credit for Kaitlyn’s trailblazing ways five years ago, it certainly didn’t protect or even come to her defence, not then and not last night. If anything, they did just the opposite: Both five years ago and last night, Kaitlyn’s night with Nick was endlessly teased as “shocking,” “controversial” and “polarizing”, fuelling the impression that what she did was somehow wrong. (Indeed, when I asked Kaitlyn why she thought the show played up their night so much, her answer was a painfully concise: “Ratings.”) Five years ago, at her season’s Men Tell All, Chris Harrison would go on to read Kaitlyn tweet after tweet from people calling her a “whore” (among other things), in an attempt to snuff cyber-bullying. While it was a well-intentioned enough mission to shame trolls, wouldn’t it have been more effective to not frame what she did as so wrong and shocking in the first place?

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

With the above in mind, I wish the show went that extra step further in Kaitlyn’s defence. The recap seriously glossed over the flak she got; Kaitlyn would go on to become one of the year’s most talked-about women and was slut-shamed to high hell, receiving multiple death threats for her decision to have sex. Last night, Deanna Pappas and Clare Crawley were brought on for that female supportive voice, which I suppose was better than nothing.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

And perhaps if we hadn’t just heard the announcement that Matt James will be our next Bachelor, I wouldn’t even notice this. But just as I craved a firmer opinion and clearer ownership from The Powers That Be in finally crowning a Black man Bachelor,

I craved more of a stance in Kaitlyn’s defence for her sleeping with a man she desired to sleep with, in a situation designed to encourage it.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I came to the realization while watching last night’s episode that, while some things haven’t changed in the last five years, my expectations for this franchise have. In the past, I would have accepted the Deanna/Clare cameo as enough, assuming that segment was the show’s mouthpiece in their support for Kaitlyn. But I no longer feel that way. It’s no longer enough to stand idly by and allow the star of your show—the star you cast and filmed every step of the way—to be raked over the coals, particularly when the reason she’s being punished is a decision you set the stage for, encouraged and downplayed to her face, yet advertised to the world as shocking. The fact that The Powers That Be are finally giving Kaitlyn an opportunity they should have given her years ago—to appear on Dancing With The Stars—tells me they agree. I appreciate that they did this and cannot wait to watch Kaitlyn tear up that dance floor, but the gesture should be seen less as a benevolent gift and more as an owed apology.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Sharleen Joynt on Episode 3 of The Bachelor: The Greatest Seasons—Ever!

I’ll admit: I may have groaned when I heard Ben’s season would be recapped in this week’s Greatest Seasons Ever roundup.

It’s not that I think his wasn’t a good season (quite the opposite, really), but, as I said in my first recap of the season, I would hope Sean Lowe’s 2013 season isn’t considered “vintage.” Last week’s recap of Kaitlyn’s season brought us to 2015, and seeing how Ben’s and Jojo’s seasons are both from 2016, it sure seems like my fears are coming to fruition. It’s actually starting to feel a bit conspicuous, as though there are legal reasons for keeping earlier seasons from being highlighted. Or perhaps many of today’s producers themselves haven’t even watched earlier seasons and therefore aren’t acquainted enough to highlight them? This show has been around since 2002! Surely there were interesting, “greatest”-worthy happenings in that first decade of television? Or do The Powers That Be really think this franchise’s best and most memorable scenes all occurred in the last handful of years? (Newsflash: They didn’t.)

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Last night, as if predicting our side-eye, Chris Harrison qualified the choice, touting Ben as another “trailblazer,” even comparing him to Kaitlyn.

With all due respect, Kaitlyn would spark a years-long conversation about gender double standards, The Bachelor’s unwritten rules involving sex, and might have even played a role in the term “slut-shaming” going mainstream. Meanwhile, Ben telling two women he loved them wasn’t exactly some glass ceiling in need of shattering. If we must credit Ben for changing this show in some way, it would be for diminishing the meaning of the L-word for every subsequent season. Before you think I’m being harsh, hear me out: There have been several leads since Ben who have told more than one contestant they loved him or her. (Here’s looking at you, Arie.) Ben was just the first to get that ball rolling. I’d rather we all just call it like it is: Ben’s season performed very well. Like Kaitlyn’s season, it introduced many iconic Bachelor Nation stars to the world. Above all, Ben is clearly a producer favourite, frequenting our screens season after season. That’s reason enough for me; no need to fit the square peg that is Ben into the round hole that is some trailblazer of a lead.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Nonetheless, there’s no denying Ben Higgins’s turn as Bachelor was a momentous one. As a longtime viewer and now longtime recapper, it has become clear to me that Ben’s season draws a distinct line in the sand in terms of viewers; I cannot tell you how many people have told me they began watching with Ben’s season.

New viewers were moths to Ben Higgins’s flame and, indeed, even after all these years of Ben being advertised to us as so perfect, I have to admit he comes about as close to living up as any human can. First, the fact that none of us have gotten sick of him yet is unto itself a major sign—if he were remotely too weepy, too outspoken, too meek, Bach fans would have had their fill a long time ago. It’s obvious he is self-aware. He’s a good conversationalist (as I learned when I joined as a guest on his podcast with Ashley I). He’s the opposite of the Bad Boy, yet he’s a Good Guy with enough edge to evidently leave several women weak in the knees. He’s unwaveringly respectful and kind. I loved how he handled Olivia’s appearance last night; it would have been much easier for him to just not show up. Instead, he went out of his way to not only point out how strong Olivia is, but to take responsibility for how he could and should have been better for her. Crucially, you won’t ever hear a former contestant from his season—even if they were brutally hurt by him—speak ill of him. He’s just THAT beloved.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

That’s all well and good, but a season can only be as good as its cast of contestants. Perhaps what Ben deserves the most credit for is his exceptional taste in women. His Final Four is an impressive line-up of Bachelor Nation who’s-whos: Lauren Bushnell (now Lauren Lane), the Jojo Fletcher, Amanda Stanton, Caila Quinn.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Last night, I enjoyed being reminded of Lauren’s quiet confidence and how, even on a reality show filled with feelings and tears, she maintained an air of privacy and dignity about her.

(Also, this may sound weird but I’ve always loved the sound of her speaking voice—she just has a calming presence.)

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Jojo was THE cool girl, the one you want to be friends with. She charmingly broke the fourth wall time and time again, even saying, “Are you allowed to say that?” when Ben told her he loved her. During her chat with Chris Harrison, I loved how plainly she admitted she’s had a pit in her stomach over these recap episodes—as I said two weeks ago, my own initial feeling was one of dread, so suffice it to say Jojo echoed my thoughts.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I didn’t need to be reminded of Amanda’s sweet turn on Ben’s season, but it was still nice to see that emotional clip of her tearfully greeting her daughters on the beach during her Hometown date.

What I like about Amanda was how she defied the single mom stereotype and would continue to do so well into her spins on Paradise—much like Emily Maynard before her, here was a woman who could be both a loving mother and a romantic lead. It wasn’t one or the other.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)