Холостячкa #15 Hannah Brown

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Joe, 30: The man who jumps out of a box: “You check all my boxes”. I don’t care what anyone says, I love this guy. I see him sticking around until Week 4 or so for entertainment value alone*.
*I actually wrote that ↑… man, was I wrong!

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Grant, 30: Condiment puns while eating a hot dog. I like how relaxed he is. Cute. Interesting how his occupation is “Unemployed” when they easily could have put “Hot Dog Lover”… I guess production either loves or hates him, depending on how you look at this.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Luke P, 24: Roars from the top of the limo. Pretty bold but I give him credit for going there. This guy was born a Bachelorette frontrunner. This is not necessarily a compliment.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Luke S, 29: Quiet but classy. His lack of Night One airtime keeps him from my Top 4 but Luke S nonetheless gives me potential dark horse vibes. Side note: I can’t get over how much he looks like Luke Pell.

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Cam, 30: Back with a new rap and it’s good, I guess…? I like this guy the same way I like Evan Bass, in that he’s a bit off the beaten path for this show. Unfortunately, I’m already growing weary of his Cool Guy persona. (Evan never had such affect!) I just want him to drop the schtick and be his regular self. As I said on The Morning After, Cam seems incapable of not speaking in catchphrases, and between that and the rapping, everything about him feels calculated and rehearsed at this point.
I had to make a .GIF of how he holds the camera’s gaze (first Direct Look Into Camera™ of the season!) after dropping his (painfully prepared) Willy Wonka line. Isn’t it amazing how a mere 5 second clip can tell you so much about a person and why they’re on this show…

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Matt Donald, 26: Terrible singer but cute exit (with the tractor). I love how he later talks about how studly all the men are—it says so much about a man when he can admit other men are good looking. He is adorable and I can see him going far*.
*It’s a crime he went home! Bring back Matt Donald!

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Chasen, 27: Upbeat romantic music, paper airplane, full exit shown. His limo exit would suggest frontrunner potential*…
*… but he ends up going home. Not wearing his pilot uniform was a bad move, evidently.

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Peter, 27: Gives her his pilot wings. Last out of the limos + full exit shown = definite frontrunner. He looks a teensy bit like Nick Viall.

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NIGHT ONE

Heading into the evening, we catch a rare glimpse of our lead mid-prayer. My misgivings about how this feels like a bit of an invasion of Hannah’s privacy aside, I found this to be an interesting glimpse into her mindset…

No one is more aware of Hannah’s “flaws” (her tendency to get tongue-tied, how that could cause people to question her intelligence, the fact that many people didn’t think she was a “worthy” Bachelorette choice) than Hannah herself. I’m not a religious person and tend to cast side-eye at prayers that sound like a bunch of requests for God. But, given this sounds more like a personal pep talk than a gift list for Santa, I genuinely liked and appreciated this moment. It goes a long way in showing us how humble and self-aware she is.

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Luke P is assigned drink duty, and after Hannah delivers an (exceptional) speech to her roomful of men, he whisks Hannah away first. Here we get yet another Hannah-ism as she mumbles…

I’ve got to say, I dig Hannah’s constant state of “I don’t know what I’m doing”. I like how she doesn’t suddenly seem like a completely different, glossier person than she was as a contestant (well, she does seem a bit more confident and better-spoken but that’s a good thing). She seems every bit as out of place as she did as a contestant and it’s refreshing.

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Chris Harrison comes around with the First Impression Rose. Let’s unpack this. First, take stock how many guys are in the room. It’s not like they were just hanging out in this telltale U-shape; they were rounded up to witness the FIR arriving. So right off the bat, the guys have already been waiting. Second, note the seating arrangement in the room and where Brian (first arrow) and Luke S (second arrow) are…

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Now, with the FIR on the table, it’s all about how the tone has shifted, how the rose’s presence causes a lot of anxiety and unease among the men. But note Brian’s head shake—it’s made to seem like a direct reaction to Chris Harrison dropping off the rose, but Brian’s now in different area of the room. (In other words, this head shake is from somewhere else and could have been as reaction to ANYTHING.) Next, note how Luke is now sitting on a sofa, and how he and Matt Donald are made to seem anxious about the rose. But if you view their reactions through a different lens, bearing in mind they’ve been made to remain in the area and to endlessly discuss that rose, it’s clear their body language is just one of boredom and even irritation. Their expressions have nothing to do with apprehension over their odds of receiving that rose…

I’ve mentioned before how there is no more challenging aspect to being a contestant on this show than the waiting. Because there is a LOT of it. Clips of you waiting (and impatiently) can and will be used to paint you as jealous, anxious, angry. There will be many examples of this in the season to come, I’m sure.

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While Jed serenades Hannah, we get a voiceover of Hannah declaring to have a crush on him. But give this little sentence another listen…
Hannah: "I have a total crush on / Jed"
“Jed” is obviously frankenbitten to the tail end of this sentence. Which means a) Hannah was saying she had a crush on someone else, and b) this could be done for LITERALLY ANYONE. I’m not saying Hannah doesn’t like Jed, but I am saying we’re being fed that she does.

barish

This premiere’s major plot point revolves around Scott, singled out and crucified for having a girl waiting for him back home. So, I’m going to be real: at least half of all contestants have some sort of side piece. This is simply the truth. Of course, it’s another thing altogether to come on a dating TV show while dating someone from back home exclusively (which unto itself shows a lack of understanding of the word), but the truth is very few people on this show are completely unattached in any way whatsoever. So, leading into the Scott crucifixion, I actually had the teensiest bit of sympathy for the guy, given how many other men there surely have a lady or two on their rosters back at home.
However, my fleeting sympathy for Scott came to an abrupt halt when Hannah confronted him. What ensued was pretty much a To NOT Do list. Based on how he approaches this, it’s clear Scott thinks he’s smoother and more clever than he is. It’s also clear that he did not have his ducks in a row going onto this show, which, given how many guys have been outed for having girlfriends on this show before, is just sloppy…

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Then, in a moment of “complete honesty”, he admits to having dated someone (yes, “until Monday”), but brushes it off as not a big deal because HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO HER. (Two wrongs, dude!) He then he utters the worst sentence in the history of the world: “I’m sorry if that bothers you.” (Vomit.)

The arrow points out Hannah catching a producer’s eye. 4th wall!

Things get especially rough when Scott, in a spectacularly manipulative turn, claims he could make the same complaint about Hannah having just dated Colton. Now, I kinda sorta get where he’s coming from, from the perspective of him being one of the many men that she’s dating. I’ve always believed contestants would have to be a bit nuts to put all their eggs in the basket of finding love on this show. But this doofus chooses the wrong logic—it’s obvious the valid argument here isn’t Colton, who broke up with Hannah (the past), but rather the other guys there (the present)! *♀️ Oy. The only thing worse than a manipulative liar is a dumb manipulative liar.

Lest you think I’m being too harsh: I am always very conscious of analyzing using only what we’re shown and to not assume anyone is a certain way based on how they behave in this strange environment, nor based on what limited (or strategic) edits we’re shown. That said, Scott had only been there for one night—not nearly long enough to start unraveling. Further, this is a scenario in which 1) he is not in a position of power (versus Hannah, who is), and 2) there are tons of cameras on him and he knows this is being filmed for national television. This should be him on his best behavior. Which begs the question: how would this man speak to a woman if he did wield a stitch of power, or if he were in the privacy of regular day-to-day life? It’s a concerning thought. Based on what we were shown, this guy seems incapable of accepting either responsibility or defeat, which to me is the worst combo of personality flaws. I hope his “girlfriend” reads these recaps. Girl, if you’re reading this, leave his ass!

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

After sending Scott packing, Hannah is understandably distraught. While most of the guys respect her space, good ol’ Luke P decides it’s HE who will “take the initiative” and comfort her. I mean, fine, take that opportunity. I’m not knocking him for doing this since it ends up working out for him. However, I couldn’t help but be irked by how spectacularly he failed at his only task (a task he volunteered for): to comfort Hannah. Hannah was upset that, on the first night, a man she’d just met had already deceived her. This was a moment meant for reassurance, to say there are great guys there, to say she’s in good hands or has got good instincts, to encourage her to trust her gut. But nooooooooo. Luke P doesn’t make it about her—of course not! Rather, he just takes this opportunity to make himself look better…

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

A small part of me died when Hannah ended up giving him the First Impression Rose. I have to admit they have excellent chemistry (their kiss was easily the best of the night) but COME ON. Just LOOK at this used car salesman of a guy…

His brows are alive but his eyes are dead.
Again, this is NIGHT ONE. I’m getting over-the-top, actor-y Robby Hayes vibes here and predict Luke P will be that guy who declares he’s in love with Hannah on his first date with her.
PS—For those of you who have been reading my recaps since the beginning: don’t Luke P’s eyebrows give you Josh Murray “Too Serious” vibes??

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Finally, I found the following moment funny so had to include it. Note how the seas are required to part for Hannah and Luke P, forcing poor Tyler G, Mike, and Matthew to practically sit on one another to accommodate them…

… and they must maintain that arrangement until Chris Harrison arrives to declare, “I hate to break up the party.” Ah, the ridiculous formalities of this ridiculous show.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Finally, a little ITM and Pick-up watch! First note what ITMs from that same evening look like…

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

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I’m quite certain the first ITM is from before the evening begins, while the second is from inside the mansion.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Meanwhile, observe the Pick-up below (namely her hair, and I’m 99.9% sure her earrings are gone)

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

as well as the Pick-up used during her reunion with Demi and Katie…

Note the room, the hair, even the lighting… it’s obvious this is the same Pick-up session and they just had her throw that floral robe over her gown!

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Tеперь я хочу закончить постить то, что Шарлин написала в жуpнале:
As for the rest of them, I’ll keep with my tradition of singling out my early non-frontrunner favourites. I don’t care what anyone says, I thought Joe (The Box King) was hysterical. Grant stood out to me as someone you’d want to hang with, especially with his bone dry delivery of condiment puns while stuffing his face with a hot dog. I got a kick out of Tyler’s Flashdance moves in the bones of a house being built. (Best intro video “work” scene ever.)

Finally, it was hard not to fall for Matt Donald, who strikes me as goofy yet sincere. The sign language in his family was fascinating to me and really made him stand out. I was FLOORED to see him go home (especially to John Paul Jones!) and would love to see him granted an extra life on Paradise, à la Grocery Joe.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

As for the frontrunners, here are my Final 4 based on the premiere…

1. Peter, 27: “He’s delightfully normal”

Peter has a great Night One resume, boasting an intro video, a full limo exit, and solid 1-on-1 time. I must say, I really like Peter. In his intro video, he struck me as intelligent and well-spoken. He’s delightfully normal, he’s understated and he’s believably intrigued by Hannah without being suspiciously over the top about it. Hannah seems intrigued right back, but I like how this feels slow, steady, and sincere—as though they know a kiss is on the way and there’s no need to rush things on Night One. I see Peter going VERY far this season.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

2. Luke P, 24: “The Bachelorette was this man’s destiny”

To me, Luke is the type who appears to have been bred to appear on The Bachelorette. Everything about him, from his Southern twang, to his backstory as a former playboy who found God (in the shower—where else?), his Nice Guy affect, his impossibly smooth hair fade… Being on The Bachelorette was this man’s destiny since the womb. My problem with Luke P is that my patience for too-perfect, too-earnest, too-rehearsed candidates is wearing thin these days. Everything out of Luke P’s mouth feels like a stock line designed to advance his position in this race. For now, however, Hannah seems to be buying what Luke is selling (despite the fact that he alarmingly won’t lend her his jacket when she’s freezing cold!). Intro video, check. Full limo exit, check. 1-on-1 time, check. First Impression Rose, check.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)