Холостячкa #15 Hannah Brown

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Шарлин сделала перерыв в своем блоге на пару медель, я ждала, ждала и решила, что она не будет заканчивать сезон, как это иногда у нее случается. Но теперь я обнаружила финал и хочу его запостить, чтобы завершить им сезон:

Finale

Oooof, this one was INTENSE! I had one day less than usual and twice the content to get this out, but Hannah’s season was so good, it kept me more inspired than usual. (If you’ve been reading these for awhile you’ll know I struggle and often drag my feet with Finale recaps, sometimes never completing them at all. &#128584 I’m sending this one out from Ottawa, where I’ve been with my family for the past week, living in my pajamas and baking every single day.

“I am really proud of myself.”
—Hannah

I love it when a person (especially a woman!) can unapologetically declare pride (especially warranted pride!) in herself.
Hannah of all people certainly deserves to feel this way. 🙌🏼

LAST WEEK CONT’D

Our very first blissfully Luke P-free episode starts off with last week’s Rose Ceremony, where Hannah sends home Peter. We cut right to Peter’s Hot Seat time in the Live segment, where Peter seems to be in fairly good spirits. He’s respectful of Hannah’s choices, and while he admits he was hurt at the time, he’s doing A-OK in the present. But such a mild degree of heartbrokenness is unacceptable! I laughed when Peter was expressing positivity and gratitude for the experience and Chris Harrison unsubtly steered the conversation back where it belonged…

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

TYLER MEETS THE FAM

It’s now down to two, and Tyler’s up first to meet Hannah’s family in Crete. Something happened here that stood out to me, in a good way. Yes, pretty much everything Tyler says and does is great. But I especially appreciated how quick he was to volunteer that the reason he got into dance was because he was doing poorly in school…

This sort of thing takes quite a bit of humility to admit so readily, especially with folks he’s ostensibly trying to impress. Of course, he doesn’t need to have been a good student to be good potential partner for Hannah, but it still really speaks to his quiet confidence and lack of ego that he just self-deprecatingly went there.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

JED MEETS THE FAM

It’s Jed’s turn to meet Hannah’s clan and things go decidedly less smoothly. Surprisingly (I don’t know why I was surprised by this but it just sort of caught me off guard), a big focal point of this day is Jed’s financial position and his ability to provide for Hannah and his family in the future.

I’m torn on this because, as a musician myself, I totally feel for the musician’s plight. No one gets into music or the arts for money (rather, they shouldn’t) and I have actually always sympathized for the many male opera singers I meet and work with who play that traditional “provider” role in their families. Even if they are lucky enough to get paid to sing, enough to pay the bills and contribute to supporting a family, it’s never without massive sacrifice. Hannah’s mother was dead on when she said it’s a hard pursuit even when you’ve “hit it big”. In the case of my profession, you’re living away from your home and family for anywhere from 4-6 weeks, several times a season. Quite literally, the more successful you are, the less you’re at home to spend time with the very family you’re supporting. In short, if I was sat down (especially at age 25!) and asked the questions Hannah’s parents were asking Jed, it’d be pretty terrifying.

It’s hard not to hear Hannah’s dad talk about the man’s role as a provider for the family and not see it as a tiny bit outdated. But at the same time it’s clear his beliefs are driven entirely by love. It was clear when he said, “I’m a man who works 14-16 hours a day to make sure they’re all taken care of” that he wasn’t making that point to say the household roles should be as they were in the 50s, but rather that he loves his family and will do anything for them. I also have to admit that my own parents would have the same concern—not because I was raised to be financially dependent on a man (quite the opposite), but because they want me to have as worry-free a life as possible, as any parents would. So while Hannah’s father’s concerns might have sounded outdated, they didn’t bother me.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

The best thing to come from this discussion was a fabulous feminist moment, when Hannah said the following in response to her father’s concerns…

I had already planned on the above .GIF but have to share part of a reader email I received about the exact same moment. Reader Joanna somehow read my mind and expresses this better than I can…
“During the scene with her family when she rightly told her Dad that she could provide for herself, I wondered if you noticed how she hesitated and almost struggled with saying this. I would bet her upbringing had resulted in her fully embracing the traditional role of a man needing to provide for a woman in marriage. The matter-of-fact way her dad said that statement is proof. To myself, and other feminist-minded people, it's easy to dismiss this mindset as one that is not even worth considering. However, Hannah never so much as rolled her eyes at her Dad's words. I felt like I could see the wheels turning in her mind as she slowly expressed her own self reliance to her father, likely for the first time. Our idea of the fearless and empowered Hannah is juxtaposed with a real glimpse into her upbringing and the mindsets of the people who raised her. For me, this truly illustrates for us viewers how far this woman has come. Not only has she developed the strength and confidence to overcome deceit so gracefully, but she has also organically realized a self worth and independence, effectively reversing a lifetime of believing women need to be provided for. Can you say inspiring?!”

I couldn’t agree more. The way Hannah hesitates (TWICE) before saying “provide” in the context of HER being the provider, it does seem to suggest it might be the first time she’s considered (or at the very least expressed) this. It’s a wonderful, and as Joanna said, inspiring moment.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

After speaking with her parents, Hannah is visibly upset and it feels like a flashback to Jojo’s season, when Jojo’s family clearly preferred Robby to her final pick. If her level of distress here wasn’t an indicator that she would be picking Jed, it was the conversation she would have with him in her state of said distress. Jed comes outside to talk to her and she reveals the following to him…

What stands out to me here, not dissimilar to how I felt about Hannah’s interaction with Luke in Episode 6, is the level of familiarity. There’s still some formality and honeymoon period-vibes with Tyler, but the fact that she tells Jed to his face that she’s “now confused” is pretty huge. Not only is she evidently very comfortable with him, but she’s almost like she’s revealing—especially with the use of “now”—that perhaps they’d both thought he’d be winning this whole thing.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

TYLER’S FINAL DATE

It’s Tyler’s time to shine again as he’s taken on his last and final date. I’ve been going on about this all season, but what I really enjoy about Tyler is his constant focus on Hannah. It really feels like he thinks the world of her, and he’s always quick to make things about her, in both complimentary or supportive ways. Note how, when Hannah tells Tyler that the meet and greet with her parents went really well, he even finds a way to credit HER for HIS behavior on that date…

As I said above, there’s no ego, and THAT is what makes Tyler so attractive. I know everyone’s swooning over him (and with good reason), but truly, his looks are only a small part (okay, a medium part) of the formula. I said in this Instagram post for Andy’s birthday that he has all the confidence in the world, yet no ego. This is the winning combination, and there really is such a difference between the two. Some people have confidence AND ego (Jed, Luke P), and in my opinion, when someone has both, the confidence blurs lines with arrogance. Meanwhile, some people possess neither. But it takes the MOST confidence to have ZERO ego, and that is precisely the very sweet spot where Tyler lies.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

JED’S FINAL DATE

I don’t have a ton to say about Jed’s final date. It sucked that it was spent feeling sick and grumpy on a rocky catamaran. The suspicious side of me wondered if the windy weather forecast was part of The Powers That Be’s master plan, but I think that’s probably just next-level paranoia. The main thing that stood out to me is the 4th-wall breakage when Hannah talks to Jed in the evening and she refers to the show—the very show they’re on and of which she is the star—as “this”…

4th wall breakage aside, note the uncertainty on HER part when usually it’s the other way around.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

THE BREAKUP

We’re FINALLY on to Part 2. Proposal Day is here! Crazy how time flies! Hannah does the unfortunate deed, and for the millionth time, Tyler rises to the occasion in classy, courteous, and gentlemanly fashion. Note how EVEN IN THIS SITUATION (I think this qualifies as a shituation!), he still makes it about HER…

Talk about making things easy for her. It’s like, until the very end, Tyler is more concerned about Hannah than even himself. There are no embittered, angry, or even mild how-could-you-do-this-to-me vibes. He is always so good about giving her the benefit of the doubt, of recognizing the position she is in. I genuinely believe he wished for her happiness here, even if it didn’t include him. Ugh. Tyler’s the best. 😭

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

THE PROPOSAL

Now for the proposal Chris Harrison described as “cringeworthy”. And I really wish he hadn’t said that—I prefer to form my own opinions, and especially to not be spoiled. We all knew things would have to eventually go south when the proposal—the big, climactic, money moment of any given season—was referred to in this way.
That said, it was pretty cringeworthy. I REEEEALLLLLY wish Jed hadn’t brought his guitar out for the occasion. As I’ve said throughout the season, I do feel Jed struggles to express himself when it’s not in song, as evidenced when he even says….

I of all people have been extremely tolerant of Jed’s guitar-toting ways this season. Conversely, I was very critical of Bradley, the opera singer from Andi’s season. My issue wasn’t his talent—it was his showcasing that talent at totally inappropriate moments: on Night One around the mansion, during Group Dates in front of everyone. It’s for this reason that I haven’t been too hard on Jed for all his song-playing; other than messing around on a piano for fun during a Group Date and playing a song for the talent portion of a “pageant”, he has limited his performances to private moments between him and Hannah.

However, in my opinion, a proposal is simply not an appropriate time to break into song, and that’s where Jed treads into cringeworthy territory for me. My main issue with the above is that, whether or not he means for this to happen, it innately becomes about HIM. This is a moment that should be about THEM. By breaking into song, it becomes a performance, no matter how intimate. Further, and again I’m going to speak as a musician here, there really has to be a line drawn between your “craft” and your personal life.

I know there’s a massive difference in that I’m not writing my own lyrics or songs, and it’s easy for me to say because I LOVE words and talking and writing and all the ways in which we express ourselves. But with Jed, one should be able to communicate with words and words alone at a time like this. Music is certainly a huge part of my life but it’s just that: a PART of my life. It has nothing to do with my marriage or my personal life and relationships. I’ve long said, when people have asked to know more about my singing, that it’s what I do but not who I am. Jed’s a grown man and should be able to get through a proposal speech—simply expressing his feelings to the woman with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life—without relying on the crutch that is a song he’s prepared. At this point, especially given he knows Hannah’s super into it, it resembles a cheap party trick of the Bradley-the-opera-singer variety.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

JED

Now for the meat and potatoes of the finale! I found myself overwhelmed by all the things I wanted to unpack, and in the end I just ended up making a shitload of .GIFs. There were so many crimes committed, and perhaps because I have been giving Jed the benefit of the doubt for some time, it felt appropriate that I go over in detail just how poorly he went about this conversation. Maybe I’m making up for lost time.

First up, Hannah is understandably concerned about how much of Jed’s appearance in this whole thing is about him and his career, and how she and their relationship feel like a vehicle for that. Jed’s response is Exhibit A of his Royal Fuck-Uppery…

No, Jed. Just no. Note how he doesn’t take any responsibility for his many actions that would lead her to feel this way. He just says, “I don’t want you to feel that way”, which is basically the same as saying “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Also, HE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO ASK HER WHAT HE SHOULD DO TO MAKE IT BETTER. By putting it on her, by asking what he can do to NOT have her feel that way, he suggests she’s feeling the way she is by no fault of his. He doesn’t identify actions or words of his that caused her to feel this way, not weeding from the root; he only offers a Band-Aid to stop it moving forward. Also, talk about a lack of proactivity or taking initiative. Not only does he not take responsibility, he can’t seem to muster up the energy or interest to even deny the allegations. He’s so passive and disconnected in this conversation that it feels like he’s barely there, like a limp shadow of a person.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Hannah responds with “I don’t know”, and just watch Jed’s overwhelming care and concern for her—THE WOMAN HE LOVES—in this moment…

The resounding word that comes to mind during this whole conversation is apathy, but I swear, that moment he blinks and looks away, it almost graduates to annoyance. The above really stands out to me about the overriding problem here, the swirling questions about Jed’s “girlfriend” and his music career aside. I actually genuinely believe Jed is into Hannah, but the above proves that he is not yet man enough to even consider fully committing to someone. I can’t even imagine casually dating a guy who—after having committed a crime that could well lead to our relationship’s demise—would react with such indifference. Jed simply isn’t yet at the point where he can truly love and care for someone else as much as he does himself. The man needs to ripen. A lot. I give him 10 years, minimum.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)