A. Холостяк #23 Colton Underwood

barish

HANNAH G.

Hannah (is “Hannah” the new “Lauren?” Have we reached the mid-90s?) steps out of the limo looking like an Instagram filter came to life. She is holding a box that she says contains Colton’s favorite brand of underwear. Much like Hannah, the box is wrapped in gold and, much like Hannah, it is empty inside.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

NINA

Nina introduces herself in Croatian, her first language (!), which is honestly very cool. This was also one thousand percent the first time that Colton heard of Croatia.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

TAYSHIA

Tayshia is a phlebotomist, which I mistakenly read as “lobotomist,” which was significantly funnier.
Xa-xa-xa, в первый раз я тоже прочла lobotomist. )))

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

SYDNEY

Sydney gets points for wearing the most interesting dress of the night. As soon as she stepped out of the limo I chirped “Finally! An Asian contestant on this show!” but I think I might have jumped the gun. I have no idea whether she’s actually Asian or not. I mean, not that it should matter and not that it’s any of my business. Her race is her business! I just wish this show featured more than two (and really, it’s mostly just one) ethnicities!

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

REVIAN

Okay. Not to hop back on the “let’s prescribe racial identities to strangers” train, but I think it’s safe to guess that Revian is Asian because she introduces herself in Mandarin and says the sentence “my parents are both from China.” I’m obsessed with the idea that Colton would only allow an Asian contestant on his season if she was also blonde.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

HANNAH B.

Hannah B. is blonde, dimpled, Southern, and, I think, a hologram designed based on an amalgamation of all the other contestants on this godforsaken season. Roll tide! I only know what “Roll Tide!” means because a character was always saying it on Jane the Virgin. While I have you: Jane the Virgin is the best narrative television show currently airing and a glittering example of the medium. Roll tide!

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

JANE

Jane’s name is listed as Adrianne - “Jane” on the ABC website. What is her name?? Is Jane a nickname for Adrianne? Jane shows Colton a picture of her dog, which is MUCH more reasonable than giving Colton her actual dog. @catherine

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

CASSIE

Cassie, whomst is dressed like she stepped out of an Urban Outfitters catalogue and not really in a good way, tells Colton that she has “a lot of butterflies.” No really - she ~literally~ has a box of butterflies! She opens her box and dumps them to the ground and, full seconds later, I realize that they are plastic. I’m grateful to Cassie for giving me the momentary thrill of believing that she had a box of dead butterflies. I’ll never forget it.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Максимилиан

А когда Касси ушла, Колтон поднял одну бабочку и аккуратно спрятал в карман. )))

barish

ДА!
Ты посмотрел уже?
Я была такая смертельно уставшая в понедельник, что на 3-м часу показа просто вырубилась и заснула, как ни старалась держаться! ((( Придется пересматривать после понедельника, хотя ни на что совершенно нет времени! (((

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

ALEX D.

Alex D. arrives in a full sloth costume, which, as someone who loves sloths but is also resentful of their recent meme-ification, I deeply enjoyed. It’s so stupid it’s charming. Alex walks and talks extremely slowly for the duration of the episode, which is A. great commitment to the bit and B. an excellent way to guarantee lots of airtime. Also, spoiler, Alex takes off the sloth suit eventually and is revealed to be very hot. Which is good, because imagine if she finally took off the costume and Colton was like “oh no.”

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

ALEX B.

Alex B. holds up cue cards like Andrew Lincoln to explain that she can’t talk because she’s sick. And then she tries to speak and is actually so sick that she can’t make a sound! I truly enjoy this! It feels so genuine and reminds me of all the times during my brief but illustrious high school choir career in which my friends and I would make a huge show of “being on vocal rest” and not talk but gesticulate wildly and drink many many performative thermoses of ginger tea.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Максимилиан

Смотрел урывками, три дня. Потом перечитал твои посты. Согласен с Шарлин, хотя ещё при просмотре у меня Касси была #1.

А что за намёк у Grace Barry, что Ханна - "новая Лорен"?

barish

BRI

This is it, the clip that you’ve seen all over Twitter and that seven (7) people sent me in the past couple of days. And you know what? I watched it every single time and every time I enjoyed it more than the last. Bri’s fake-accent cop-out is like… is it clever? Is it stupid? Is it funny? Do I care?? Is her Australian accent terrible? I guess I don’t know much about Australian accents (interesting considering that I’ve seen Finding Nemo about 40 times) because she totally got me the first time. Yes, after a few views, it becomes blatantly obvious that she’s avoiding telling a lie (Colton asks her where she’s from and she gives a perfunctory “the accent is Australian”) and that her accent is a little far off from 42 Wallaby Way, but man, what a gag. Moments of genuine surprise are extraordinarily rare on a show like this and I applaud Bri for adding a sparkle to what was otherwise the dullest evening of my life.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Но ты в курсе кого он отправил домой, да? Я пока нет, но собираюсь запостить всех, кому он дал розы.
По поводу Касси мнение у меня пока не сложилось, надо будет пepeсмотреть.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Это хто, Ханна? (говорю же, надо пересмотреть, была смертельно уставшей ((()
Mне по фоткам ужасно нравится Ханна. Ну так прямо нравится, моя РПВ тоже пошла ей...
Grace Barry странная, я с ней редко когда согласна, но она дает взгляд своего поколения, который мне непонятен и далек, а потому запостила в этот раз ее, раньше в основном только гифки у нее брала.
Она имела в виду, что у Ари было 2 Лорен, в том поколении это было популярное имя. А в этом вот 2 Ханны.))) Ну странно для меня она пишет, разные у нас с ней ассоцииции, Шарлин мне намного, намного ближе, самая близкая, можно сказать!
И еще Grace Barry написала, что Ханна пустая внутри, ну не знаю, как такая девушка может быть пустой? Но, опять же, пересмотрю, пригляжусь.
Кто тебе еще понравился?
Как тебе Колтон?

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Максимилиан

Я думаю, что среди тех семерых, кого Колтон отправил домой с первой ЦР, его будущей жены не было. Ну это, если там вообще есть его будущая жена, как-то слишком много скепсиса в обзорах этого сезона, что Колтон дотянет с избранницей до женитьбы.

В аносе сезона есть кадры, как Колтон предлагает своим трём финалисткам выпить за fantasy suites. На АФ уже вычислили кто это?

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Максимилиан

Это Деми, кадр из её intro, когда она звонила матери в тюрьму и как бы размышляла о ней. Когда Деми не тараторит, выглядит более симпатичной.

Я пока не сказал бы, что Ханна Г. прям совсем пустая внутри, но Касси показалась мне более наполненной внутренне, что ли.

Пока не могу сказать. Пожалуй, ещё Деми понравилась, но только когда загадочно молчит. ))) И ещё Ханна Б.

Пока не определился. Посмотрим на его эмоции и коммуникации. )))

barish

Их было много, на всех не женишься!)))
И я пока я мало кого запомнила и очень мало кого узнаю в других нарядах, хотя переодически пялилась на фотки девушек...
А те, кто пишут, они что, знают Колтона? откуда им вообще знать? То, что у него не было серьезных отношений - сначала он был полненьким и непривлекательным для девушек, думаю до сих пор у него некая неуверенность в себе из за этого. Думаю, вот тут сезон Холостяка ему должен помочь! Потом неудачные отношения с олимпийской гимнасткой Али Рэйзман. Потом он реально влюбился в Бекку. Теперь он быстро повстречается и поцелуется с кучей девушек и наверстает упущенное! Я знаю, что Колтон резко принял решение по поводу финалистки, значит был уверен, что именно она ему нужна. А вот видит ли он в ней свою жену или пока не готов - это му увидим.
Меня удивило, что на Еllen Колтон так говорил о детях. Меня вообще пугает насколько люди не понимают других, вот об Ари до сих пор всякую чушь пишут в то время, когда вид животика Лорен для него самое замечательное в мире и его отец говорит, что никогда не видел Ари настолько влюбленным и счастливым, у него вообще завтра свадьба! А Джеф даже ставку делал, что Ари не продержится и года со своей избранницей, Ари ему написал, что пора заплатить 5 тысяч, как и говорил! Что люди вообще знают о других???
За стольким приходится следить, столько всего происходит! Волнуюсь по поводу свадьбы немного, жаль, что так далеко они!

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Ф4 однозначно вычислили и избранницу тоже. Я особо не вникала что они пишут и много раз забывала кто эти девушки, хоть сама же видела их фотки с домашних свиданий и постила их туда, но потом забывала. Путаюсь пока я в девушках и не до этого мне было, постоянно чем то занята.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Sharleen's blog (I'm so happy she is doing it this season too!)))

Episode 1

Welcome back and Happy New Year, dear Pretty Pandas readers!
Just some housekeeping notes…

I’ve been getting enough fashion requests for my The Morning After videos (if you’re new, The Morning Afters are videos I do in conjunction with my Flare recaps),

I’ve just started ID’ing them no matter what (unless I’m in sweats or something!). You’ll be able to find them over at Shop Hub.
With the fashion worn on the show, if you have requests, please use this form or email me with the word “request” somewhere, anywhere! As much as I love tweets and Instagram DMs, I can’t keep track of them when ID’ing fashion.
I can’t emphasize this enough: Comment, comment, comment! There’s a reason I’m still doing these after 4.5 years: YOU. If it weren’t for your guys’ interest, dedication, engagement, and care, I simply wouldn’t be doing these anymore. I like to think we’ve built a little family here and legitimately look forward to what you have to say. I love the discussion, even if you don’t share my opinions. My only request is, as always, to be respectful of myself and one another. In other words: don’t be a dick.
Finally, a friendly reminder that this site is and has always been a spoiler-free zone.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

And now, let's recap...

INTRO

Man. With all the live viewing parties, there was a ton of build up to this season. As for the ladies’ intro videos, they were on the standard side. However, there was one .GIF-worthy moment: I had a giggle at how the editing department deemed the ideal spot to place a voiceover of Katie discussing her parents’ relationship was during a close-up of her bootie shake…

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)