Холостячкa #13

barish

For never having ridden a horse, Anthony sure looked like a stud on top of that stallion.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

A lot of folks brag about rolling down Rodeo Drive in expensive cars, but nobody has done it on horseback!

As Red and Ted, our horses, led the way from shop to shop, I really started to build a connection with Anthony.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Heading into the evening, I knew I had found that fun side I was looking for. I appreciated how candid Anthony was throughout Rodeo Drive and also during our dinner conversation. Obviously there was more to Anthony then meets the eye, and so I gave him the rose. Ending our night dancing under the stars was the perfect end to an amazing date.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

For the last date of the week I picked up the guys from the mansion and let the squad take the wheel and plan the rest of the date.

My friends mean everything to me, so if you want to me be my lover then you have to get along with my friends!

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Per usual, the squad got the party started on the party bus when Kenny and the rest of the guys took turns showing me their dance moves and working the pole.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I didn’t think things could get any dirtier until we walked in that dive bar and I saw a pool of mud surrounded by a crowd of thirsty women. Any date that requires you to don a plastic poncho while inside an establishment with a liquor license is going to be incredible.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Can we also talk about every one of the guys were covered head to toe in mud after their match but Brady, who’s perfect hair somehow remained untouched? That’s impressive!

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

As much fun as watching Kenny suplex Lee in a kiddie pool was, getting opinions from the squad on the guys was the real highlight of the day for me.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

In their eyes, Dean might not have been their favorite at After the Final Rose, but on this date he redeemed himself.

While Eric, who used to be their favorite, was now being questioned. Going into that evening, I knew that Eric and I would need some real valuable time.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

When it came time for the after party the big thing that stood out was my conversation with Eric.

I know some people may be surprised that I gave my rose to a man who had just questioned how seriously I was taking this journey, but I actually respected his candidness.
When I started going on group dates during Nick’s season, group dates were extremely difficult for me. Like Eric, I was skeptical that group dates could lead to an engagement, and it took time for me to realize they absolutely held opportunities to make real progress. Hearing Eric question the journey and my choices is the exact kind of direct conversation real couples have to undergo. Eric and I had an issue that we disagreed on, but we discussed said issue like adults, listened to each other and resolved this issue. These are the exact open and candid conversations I want to have in my relationships. Eric got the rose for challenging me, listening to me and keeping it 100.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Surprise, surprise, the cocktail party this week didn’t go anything like I planned. But to be totally honest next week’s doesn’t exactly finish the way I expected either. I find myself yet again in another cocktail party more emotional then I’d ever been with the guys. But it doesn’t end with me.
You’ll have to come back next week to see for yourself because, if you’re anything like me, you won’t believe how the disagreements, sleights and clashes of characters that started brewing in the mansion over the course of the last couple weeks unbeknownst to me boil over into complete meltdowns. These guys don’t just question each other’s intentions. They scream, they insult, they threaten — and I’m not happy about it!
Thanks for reading and continuing to be so supportive.
Love,
Rachel

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Нет, книга как раз была написана для супружеских пар, которые потеряли понимание друг друга, чтобы они понимали на каком языке любви говорит их супруг и сами тоже старались с ним общаться на его же языке, поскольку для человека он будет самым приятным для него выражением любви. Как говорит автор книги: В любви надо объясняться на языке того, кого любишь.
Я не читала книгу, но пробегала ее некоторые места еще в 2014 и запостила из нее несколько цитат на Совятнике тогда. Больше всего мне нравится глава, в которой Гарpи Чaпмaн, ссылаясь на исследования психолога Дороти Теннов, объясняет своим читателям разницу между влюбленностью и любовью, тут я с ним совершенно согласна, это очень важная информация!
И вот интерсная мысль: Влюбившись, мы больше не стремимся к личному росту. Скорее, нам кажется, что мы уже достигли всего.
В частности он говроит:
Эйфория влюбленности создает у нас иллюзию невероятной близости. Мы чувствуем, что принадлежим друг другу. Мы верим, что одолеем все трудности. Ради другого мы готовы на любые жертвы. Нам кажется, от нашего эгоизма не осталось и следа, мы стали кем-то вроде матери Терезы, мы все отдадим для блага другого. Нам так легко поверить в это, потому что мы думаем, что и наш возлюбленный испытывает то же. Мы верим, что и он готов на все ради нас, что он любит нас так же, как мы его, и никогда нас не обидит.
Думать так - ошибка. Это не значит, что наши мысли и чувства неискренни. Просто они не соответствуют действительности. К сожалению, это иллюзия. Влюбляемся мы не навсегда. Психолог Дороти Теннов долгое время наблюдала, как развиваются отношения влюбленных, и пришла к выводу, что романтическое увлечение продолжается в среднем два года. Если чувства приходится скрывать — чуть дольше. Но в итоге, все мы спускаемся с облаков на землю, открываем глаза и видим, что рядом — пренеприятный субъект. Она все делает назло. А он только и ищет, как ударить побольнее. Мелочи, которых прежде мы не замечали, превращаются в горы.
Добро пожаловать в настоящую семейную жизнь! Туда, где раковина постоянно забита волосами, а зеркало украшают мыльные брызги, где спорят, нужно ли поднимать сиденье унитаза. В мир, где ботинки разбредаются по передней, ящики не закрываются, где пальто не признают плечиков, а носки пропадают без вести. В этом мире можно ранить взглядом и словом. Там влюбленные могут стать врагами, а дом — полем битвы. Но куда подeвались чувства?
Мы забываем о своей природе. А все мы эгоцентрики. Мир вертится вокруг нас. Нет людей полностью жертвенных. Только влюбленность создает такую иллюзию.
А как только влюбленность отжила свое (вспомните, в среднем, два года), мы возвращаемся в реальный мир и начинаем отстаивать свои права. У него и у нее появляются желания, но они различны.
Hастоящая любовь родиться не может, пока не умрет влюбленность. Нельзя хвалить человека за великодушные поступки, которые он совершил под властью наваждения. Им двигал инстинкт, и он вел себя необычно. А вот если, вернувшись в реальный мир, где у него есть выбор, он выбирает доброту и великодушие, это — настоящая любовь.
Согласна с автором, это очень важная информация для тех, кто вступает в брак и для тех, кому кажется, что они потеряли друг друга в нем.
Как то мы долго разговаривали с Максом об этом, возможно в том же 2014 или раньше, насколько я помню, он не признавал разделение на любовь и влюбленность. А для меня это очень важное разделение и об этом была oтдельная тема на Совятнике.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelorette: Episode 3

Is there anything in this world more irritating than a peer—not in any way a superior—talking down to you? It has to be near the very top of my list of peeves (on par with overfamiliarity and unreliability, in case you were wondering). First, it’s not like Lee can really know Eric all that well. We’re at the third Rose Ceremony, capping off the second week. “Weeks” in Bachelor world are four days long (one day for each date followed by the Rose Ceremony day; weeks are longer later on when there’s travel involved), so we’re looking at eight days where Lee and Eric (and Iggy) have been living under the same roof with two- to three-dozen other men. I have a hard time believing Lee is in a position to know (much less express) what Eric’s deep personality flaws are and what arenas he should work on. You know, for “growth.”

I get that Lee isn’t actually interested in helping Eric. He obviously relishes getting under Eric’s skin (I would say Eric’s biggest mistake is allowing others to be able to do this), but that’s why the phony “You are a great, capable individual” and “I love you”s are so offensive. I was gritting my teeth watching him tell Eric—who, in this situation is his equal in every way—how much “potential” he has. Or when Eric said Lee’s apology didn’t seem genuine (because it wasn’t), Lee asked, “Are you really that intuitive?” And then, as though Eric were a 3rd grader, “And Iggy got on you last night about what?” Dude, if you’re going to be a manipulative instigator, at least own that and don’t pretend you’re in it for anyone else’s best interests. All I could think whenever Lee spoke to Eric was what a horrible person Lee would be to date and get into inevitable conflict with. He’s got truly bad intentions (to get a rise out of his target), but they’re poorly shrouded in disingenuous “I love you”s and wanting to “help.” It’s just ironic since Lee’s supposed MO was that Eric would be a poor match for Rachel.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

As for the things Eric said to Anthony (before Iggy, who knew Rachel far less well than Anthony at that point, righteously inserted himself), those were the words of a young man obviously terrified of showing emotional vulnerability without any validation first.

And casting doubt on how emotionally available Rachel was or how seriously she was taking things was, in my eyes, him preemptively playing down his interest. That way, if and when that interest wasn’t reciprocated or he was sent home, he could chalk it up to “Well, I didn’t really care anyway,” or “I never stood a chance since she’s not even taking this seriously.” Sure, it’s a cop-out, but if he weren’t legitimately interested in Rachel, he’d just go along for the ride and not analyze her reciprocity or intent. Of course this bet-hedging isn’t the way to approach a healthy relationship (or any life risk, for that matter), but it’s harmless protection of his ego and not anyone else’s business.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I hadn’t intended for this recap to be entirely about Lee and Eric (I had wanted to mention how gloriously Rachel handled DeMario‘s return!)

but I was left reeling over the way Lee spoke to Eric. It felt really malicious and like it went beyond their relationship, especially if you consider how the initial conflict (with Iggy) didn’t even involve Lee. Unfortunately it appears we will be seeing more of this saga.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

My frontrunners are…

1. Peter, 31: Not so many developments with Peter this week but that’s to be expected. Rachel was a “smitten kitten” over Peter after their 1-on-1 so it’s safe to say he’s still sitting pretty. That said, I was not impressed by him saying in the Ellen Group Date “Never Have I Ever” game that he’d never even thought about having sex with Rachel. Some might think that’s a gentlemanly response, but seeing as how they had an entire day together, plus a fireworks makeout sesh, I just think he’s either lying or isn’t sexually attracted to Rachel. His answer gave me pause.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

2. Bryan, 37: There’s a genuine concern for Rachel that comes across in Bryan’s interactions that I love. When she was hugging the men farewell at the second Rose Ceremony, while the other men were talking amongst themselves and saying their goodbyes, Bryan was quietly watching Rachel. The massage was a great move and was well-timed to address her state of stress. He was funny on the Group Date and a good combination of outgoing but not a ham. I like Bryan a lot and am not-so-patiently awaiting his 1-on-1.
(и я тоже )

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

3. Dean, 26: I really buy the chemistry between Rachel and Dean, and the fact that two of Rachel’s girlfriends also pegged him as a favorite after spending time with him is huge. Again, not a whole lot of development here but I am confident Dean will be getting a 1-on-1 of his own.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Cheerio

хм... ))

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

barish

4. Alex, 28: I was torn between a few guys for this slot. Anthony got the 1-on-1 date but, thoughhe seems really sweet, the date felt skimmed over. I had to bump Kenny from Top 4 because his interactions shown with Rachel this week didn’t show enough substance (not that I think there was no substance, but it’s that we didn’t see that substance… I did enjoy the Chippendale fun factor, though). Alex really shone on the Ellen Group Date and just comes off so affable and goofy (yet not insincere at all), and he joined the kiss club this week. He got the coveted Group Date rose so it’s safe to say he’s officially on Rachel’s radar.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Cheerio

очень правильно написано, но с выводом я не согласен. Эрик - один из явных аутсайдеров, и роза данная ему - reassuarence rose, которая регулярно выдаётся в каждом сезоне одному из аутсайдеров с драматическим потенциалом, и который плохо понимает своё реальное положение. То что он потом начал выражать - "maybe I'm a threat to you guys" - подтверждает что цель продюсеры выбрали правильно. Так вот, относительно вывода. То что Эрик прибегает к такому простому самообману, который описала Шарлин ("зелен виноград") подчёркивает отсутствие в нём глубины, он совершенно не ровня такой девушке как Рэйчел. Потому в первую очередь нужно понимать - те кто говорит что он не для Рэйчел по сути правы. Она же (Шарлин) сконцентрировалась на деталях. Потому с моей точки зрения ситуация не настолько однозначна чтобы на ней ставить такие акценты. Ли, конечно, тот ещё змеёныш, но в том что Эрик не подходит Рэйчел он прав.

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

Cheerio

а вот это, мне кажется, фраза, которая объясняет почему Шарлин вступилась за Эрика. Потому что такая позиция ей близка. Но это шоу работает по немного другим правилам.

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

Cheerio

oh come on...

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

Cheerio

я, конечно, не могу быть уверен что Питер не думал о сексе, но я практически уверен что есть высокая вероятность, что он сказал правду. Т.е. если и есть чувствительные мужчины, которые перед сексом в отношениях ставят много чего другого, то Питер именно из них. И мне кажется данный эпизод, что Шарлин увидела в его ответе подвох, частично подтверждает то что у неё невысокая чувствительность.

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.