Американский Холостяк #20 Ben Higgins

barish

Я не видела никакого будущего с Джубили, она уже саботировала себя во время ИС, было понятно, что дальше все это только усугубится. Людей подсознательно притягивает к людям с подобными проблемами, они их понимают, вот и Бена притягивала Джубили как "нелюбимая" и интриговала своим прошлым, армией и проч, поскольку он никогда не понимал ее истинных намерений. Но он стал замечать как она все больше и больше себя саботирует и все больше проявляет свои разрушительные стороны. Молодец, Бен, что это для него неприемлемо. Но он действительно видел себя поначалу и с Джубили и с Оливией, а потому для него это было таким шоком, что он так ошибся, в таких случаях у человека пропадает доверие к себе и я видела у Бена эти переживания.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Cheerio

думаю глобальная проблема Оливии это крайне слабая эмпатия. Показательным был момент с Амандой, когда девушки ей устроили разбор полётов, она поняла что делает не так, даже слёзы потекли, но длительного эффекта это на неё не произвело. Хочу подчеркнуть - если её поставить перед фактом, она поймёт свою неправоту, и, вероятно, искренне захочет исправиться. Действительно плохой человек это тот, который понимает что поступает плохо, но ему плевать (к примеру Джои из БиП). Оливия не такой человек, пока ещё не такой.
Нормальные люди на интуитивном уровне ощущают когда могут сделать другому человеку больно. У Оливии этот механизм не работает. Это своего рода патология. Откуда она у неё сложно сказать, но по всей видимости это уже навсегда. Потому её немного жаль.

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

barish

Я не ожидала, что она так скоро уйдет, но и не видела никакого будущего. На этом шоу люди сражаются со своими демонами и в случае с Джубили было понятно, что у нее их слишком много и что они сожрут ее со всеми ее потрахами.
Шарлин увидела сходство между собой и Джубили и ей было интересно за ней наблюдать, мне же уже все с Джубили стало понятно, ничего нового бы я о ней уже не узнала. Для чего мучать девочку дальше и мучать зрителей ее проблемами? Бен проявил себя решительным парнем, чего я от него не ожидала, но он молодец, не стал оставлять ее для драмы шоу.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Я в Оливии не вижу глубины, она невероятно поверхностна и зациклена на себе, а от того у нее и все проблемы, но она и очень молода. Пока не вижу никакого стремления работать над собой и вижу желание получать то, что ей надо любым путем. Но, возможно, она увидит себя со стороны в шоу и сделает выводы. Посмотрим что она будет перь на WTA

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

"Любовь" между людьми случается в 3-х случаях.
1. Они нравятся друг другу как личности. Это самый рациональный вариант, когда они становятся друг другу и лучшими друзьями.
2. Сильное, просто магнетическое сексуальное притяжение. В данном случае могут быть варианты в зависимости от того насколько личности подходят друг другу в остальном.
3. Людей притягивают взаимные проблемы. Тут нет вариантов. Это зависимость.
Это иррациональный, разрушительный вариант, типа садиста с мозахистом, когда и вместе тесно и врозь скучно. Наблюдала множество таких пар, работала с ними. Мне было четко видно что будущего нет, но их тянет к друг другу и в некоторых случаях ничем не помочь, кроме как дать им этим "переболеть". B каких то случаях на это уходит пол жизни. Если у человека сильны разрушительные наклонности, он ничем не сможет себе помочь, он будет продолжать создавать разрушительные отношения. Со стороны это не имеет никакого смысла и не понятно вообще почему люди вместе, но я знаю какое сильное там притяжение и насколько сложно им расстаться, если созидательные наклонности слабы.
Ben мне нравится тем, что у него сильны созидательные наклонности. У него правильные установки, ему нужна социальная личность, которая может уживаться с другими. И хотя его притянуло к Джубили и Оливии, но на шоу много стресса, а это способствует притяжению к проблемным людям (это мы уже видели по многим Холостякам и Холостячкам как это происходит!). Hо в итоге Бен возвращается к своим установкам, включает голову и отвергает тех, с кем нет будущего, как бы больно это ни было.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Cheerio

мне кажется у неё там весь букет "симптомов" человека со слабой эмпатией: проблемы в общении, эгоистичность, агрессивность, проблемы с адекватностью эмоций. Особенно последнее, потому как это очень редкий симптом.
Её поверхностность имеет опять же социальный характер, к примеру в профессиональном плане она достигла неплохих успехов за год после колледжа. Потому поверхностность здесь скорее всего не сама по себе, а как симптом проблем в социальной сфере.

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

Cheerio

похоже на Triangular theory of love
только у тебя Commitment значительно более узко взято.

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Шарлин:

Episode 5
February 08, 2016
Thank you all for your support this week. I was honestly overwhelmed—and, yes, #grateful—for all your kind words in the comments section. I usually try to respond to a few but there were so many that I thought it best to just tell you here: Thank you. I know I myself am not much of a blog commenter (I tend to be the silent, lurking type) and I truly regard my loyal readers as kindred spirits (several of you said it was your first time commenting anywhere EVER), so thank you to all of you for taking the minutes out of your day to express such kind words of encouragement. I always read every single comment and this turned out to be quite the feel good week for me, thanks to you. ♥

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

In Mexico City, Becca reads Amanda's date card. Olivia appears livid—which she may well be inside—but showing this clip of her in this moment isn't even remotely believable...

direct-look-into-camera!
There are many, many clips of Olivia I could dissect but it's like beating a dead horse at this point. YES, I understand (and believe) that where there is smoke, there is fire. Obviously Olivia must have rubbed the girls the wrong way to some extent for three of them to separately mention it to Ben. But she's in no way the worst "villain" we've ever seen on this show—she hasn't said awful things about any of the girls in ITMs (Courtney) or had full-on screaming matches with other girls (Tierra)—and the bulk of her edit can be chalked up to a lack of self awareness and trusting the wrong people. I will resist letting the topic of Olivia take over my blog the way it's taken over the show itself.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Every season there's some sort of "wake up" segment where the producers deem it necessary to wake up all the girls at an ungodly hour to take only one of them on a date. Perhaps Ben feels more at home in hotels than me, but I suspect he has a very different idea of what a woman's "element" is...

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Every woman watching fell in love with and wanted to be friends with Lauren H in this moment...

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

AMANDA'S ONE-ON-ONE

Ben takes Amanda on a replica of the date Chris took Britt on last season. No, seriously. It was also Episode 5, he woke up all the girls (unnecessarily) at 4:30am, the lady in question awoke with a full face of makeup on (I suspect they had a head's up) and was taken on a hot air balloon ride. The only difference is Amanda was cool as a cucumber and isn't phobic of heights, which made me wonder JUST WHY she chosen for this date in the first place?!

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

In the evening Amanda shares the details of why her marriage didn't work out. Wow, talk about one blow after another.
•"He has a very addictive personality and wasn't always the nicest person to me."
•"He always had other priorities other than me and the girls... He wanted to be doing something else with his life."
•"I found an old cell phone of his and there were a bunch of text messages from ex-girlfriends and girls he was meeting on online dating sites... It wasn't easy. I didn't want to break up our family. That was the hardest point in my life. I was just so unhappy."
•"I never wanted to be, like, a single mom. I always had this picture in my mind of being this perfect family and I wanted it so bad."
•"There was a time when I was embarrassed, because I felt like such a failure and, like, somebody thinking I was married and didn't take it seriously."
I've got to give this girl MAJOR credit. She is such a self-assured and confident person, you would never know what she's been through, especially at 25. It would be difficult enough to have dealt with that sort of crumbling relationship without two children. I honestly can't even fathom it. She tells her story matter-of-factly but never coldly. She's sensitive sans the self-pity. Her eyes say it all here...

I adore Amanda. She's very Emily Maynard-esque in the likability and head-turningly hot departments. As I said in my Flare recap, though, I just don't see a unique chemistry between her and Ben. I think she'll stay around for awhile but I don't see her "winning". Which is fine by me because, well, Emily Maynard was one of my favorite Bachelorettes of all time. #AmandaForBachelorette?

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

GROUP DATE
Ben greets the girls and gives them the usual ambiguous Group Date opener, and here, I think, is a bit of evidence as to why the women might not be Olivia's biggest fan. It's not necessarily because she's aggressive or intimidating or difficult to get along with, but compare her reaction here to what Ben says versus Jubilee and Jennifer's reactions...

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I would absolutely assume her expression might be in reaction to something else, but the other two girls' expressions, followed by Jen's nod in response to "Let's go upstairs", tells me Olivia may be—duh duh duh—an over-emoter. Of course, take this with a grain of salt knowing this critique is coming from this person:

I don't think that necessarily makes Olivia an actress-y type or "there for the wrong reasons". She can't have been aiming for, say, Bachelorette with what we've seen of her so far and certainly can't be accused of always saying the right thing at the right time the way I felt Britt did. But, in an environment designed to make you irritated with each other, it's a potential clue as to why other girls may be targeting her.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

The girls take part in a pretty uneventful Spanish class and then are paired up to cook Spanish dishes. But—WHAT A COINCIDENCE—the date that "requires" pairs has an odd number of girls. Drama ensues, as it always does, over who gets to be teamed up with Ben. Despite my telling Olivia via telepathy NOT to dig in her heels over this one, she says...

Presumably as an explanation, Olivia says in an ITM: "I came in today knowing that I need a rose. If we have one-on-one time, it's gonna solidify everything." (I listened carefully and it wasn't spliced up) The thing is, this statement couldn't be more misguided. I don't believe the "going after what you want" behavior ever, ever works in this setting. (Actually, I don't even really think it works with men in real life either, but that's a topic for another day.) The contestants the lead is drawn to are going to stand out to him regardless of how aggressive they are, and he will make time for them. In fact, the more aggressive Olivia got with Ben, the less likely he was to make time for her. (Case in point, no one-on-one by Episode 5. Have we ever seen that from a First Impression Rose recipient?) So in a sense, with this theory in mind, one could argue that the best way to know where you stand with the lead is to remain a quiet wallflower.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

While I do like Emily and think she's very funny, there is no excuse for her saying Olivia's breath is bad and saying her mouth smells like...

If what Olivia has done rubbed Emily the wrong way, her criticism of Olivia should have focused on solely that with specific examples. Picking apart irrelevancies just takes away her credibility.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I discussed this in my Flare recap, but I do feel like Jubilee, in her inability (or unwillingness) to shrug off the hilarious polyamory which is such an integral part of this show, she's left unable to really enjoy herself...

There is so much to Jubilee we haven't seen and probably won't see, but I for one can relate to her. I know in my own experience, as the weeks went on and my best friend in the house was sent home, I got more and more homesick (not to mention more and more doubtful of why I was even there), and I became a sort of shadow of myself. It's not that I was a bitch or a bad sport, it's just that I felt like I was in a permanent state of being emotionally drained. I know Jubilee and I did not have quite the same experience, particularly since she obviously felt a strong connection with Ben, but I can see how this environment could make someone behave like a recluse.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Speaking of Jubilee, in reaction to this gem, she couldn't have said it better if she'd used words...

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

In the evening, while Jubilee expresses her frustration with this nonsensical process, there is the usual montage of one-on-one times. Though we of course know there was more to their conversation, the fact that this is all that is shown of Becca's one-on-one time cracks me up (true LOL!) as it reminds me of SNL's recent "Bland Man" sketch...

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I love how at ease Ben is with Jojo. They seem like an actual couple in a world where cameras and microphones don't exist. Plus, the fact that Ben can joke around about having to break up with girls—with a girl who, odds are, he will also break up with—speaks volumes...

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

LAUREN H'S ONE-ON-ONE
Lauren’s date is pretty par for the course and drama-free. They're the "normal people" who walk in a Mexico Fashion Week show with actual models (very Sex and the City) and Lauren H is totally charming the entire time. As with the retainer clip above, she’s just so modest and self-deprecating. Never mind that she fits right in with the 5’10 models and looks fantastic. She’s so sincere I almost, ALMOST believe her when she says she thinks Ben looks good in his outfit...

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)