Американский Холостяк #20 Ben Higgins

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

The Bachelor's Ben Higgins Blogs About His Biggest Group Date Regret and What Sent His Mind 'Reeling'

I told you didn't I?

This week was maybe the biggest game-changer for me of this entire journey. The craziest part? This wasn't even the hardest or most dramatic week for me. But there is no doubt that this week seriously changed everything more than any other week. I could have said just two weeks ago that either Jubilee or Olivia could have been the one for me but now … well, we'll get to all of that later.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Before we get to any of it though, I just want to say how blown away I was by Mexico City. I knew on this journey I would be going to a lot of amazing places, but I completely underestimated Mexico City. When I thought of Mexico before I thought of beaches and margaritas. Mexico City is such an amazing metropolis. So modern, so much art and the food was unbelievable. And the Four Seasons Hotel blew me away. It was so beautiful and the food there was out of this world. I'm just saying, if you've never been and you thought Mexico was just beaches like I did, check this place out. You won't be disappointed.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I also don't think I have ever been as excited to go pick up a girl for a one-on-one date in front of all the other women than I was for this one with Amanda. The idea of sneaking up on them and waking them up had me so excited. Maybe totally unreasonably so, but still … I was pumped.
And it SO lived up to my expectations! From the retainers (I wear one, too) and the weaves (that no one ever claimed by the way) and hiding under the covers, I was just so impressed that all the women went with the flow and didn't freak out or get angry.
One of the funniest ones that you didn't see though was Olivia. I walked into her room, and she was already up (I think going to the bathroom) and so when I walked in, she was so out of it and just stared at me in awe like I was some alien that was walking through her door. I think we both scared each other on that one.
And of course Amanda woke up looking perfect. It was like when you see someone wake up in the movies and it looks like they just went through hair and makeup. I wouldn't hate waking up to that every day for the rest of my life.
This is a date that I had been saving for Amanda, honestly. I have known that Amanda and I had a great connection from very early on. And I respect her as a mother so incredibly much. It was obvious to me from the moment that she told me about her kids that we had a future together. And knowing that she hadn't been on a date in so long and that she dedicates so much of her life putting her kids first rather than herself, I just wanted to wow her.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Seeing those pyramids with Amanda from a hot air balloon is a memory I am going to cherish forever. It was not only cool just on the surface but sharing it with a woman like Amanda just took it over the top. Not only did I love having a woman who is so sweet and beautiful by my side, but also I just love how appreciative she is. She doesn't take anything for granted and I love the idea of being with someone who is so excited for life as Amanda is.

This was not a date where I was really going into it questioning much or wondering if I was going to give her a rose or not. This was more about just progressing our relationship and seeing if this could be my wife … or just my girlfriend. That she was able to open up to me about her divorce and her insecurities about all of it really made me admire her and feel much closer to being able to answer that question. And feel really, really great about that answer.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I knew this group date was going to be hard. It's hard going on a date with multiple women no matter what, but 10 women is hard, especially when I am starting to progress with so many of them. I know I am not going to get much sympathy from many of you, but you really do feel pulled in a lot of different directions.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

But I've also learned that there is SO much to learn on these big group dates. More than progressing our own relationships, I love seeing how the women are at going with the flow when I surprise them and that was a lot of what the first part of this date was about for me. I knew they all thought today was going to be about cooking, and it was, but I had to throw a little curve ball to keep them on their toes, right? Plus the idea of being in class together seemed fun. We were passing notes and getting caught talking by our teacher, and it just was fun to be kids again. And learn a few things at the same time.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

It was a blast and it really did help us get from the university to the restaurant even if it took a while. Most of the people we asked on the street had no idea what we were saying when we asked them where Carbon was. I know it only looked like a few seconds on TV, but we must've wandered the streets for at least a half hour before we found it. It really made me wish I spoke Spanish again. And I really should be better at it. I've spent time in South America and tried to pick it up but never quite gotten it. I was really regretting that on that date. I hope you could see what a cool place that market is when you were watching though. That wall of herbs especially was insane. So cool.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I thought cooking would be fun since I love to cook, but at this point, the other thing I really learned to start to look for on group dates was which girls were getting along with the others and which isolated themselves or just had tension with everyone else. I know that in a relationship it is generally going to be more than just my wife and me alone together all the time. I want a woman who can be social and get along with others.
So I think you can see where I am going here. And no, I am not talking about Olivia. I have said it before and I will say it again, I cannot be mad at a woman who prioritizes time with me and our relationship moving forward. Who was going to partner with me was definitely an awkward moment, but I didn't read much into it, nor was I really feeling any serious tension at this point. And any that I did I chalked up mostly to some minor jealousy. In my eyes, everything was fine with Olivia at this point.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

No, I am actually talking about Jubilee. I know my decision to let Jubilee leave may seem sudden and drastic considering just two weeks ago we had one of the best first dates I have ever had and I was then defending her actions to the other women. But a lot had happened since then (in a very short time … what else is new in this experience?), and I was starting to see some things that were very concerning to me.
Ever since that one-on-one date, Jubilee had pulled back. You only really saw me talking to her at last week's cocktail party in Las Vegas and telling her that I could tell that she looked scared out of her mind, but what led up to that was Jubilee really isolating herself. She wasn't opening up and communicating her doubts or concerns and from what I could tell, there was a real division between her and the other women.

Then on the first part of this date, she couldn't loosen up and have a good time at the Spanish lesson and then was really the only person that seemed to be having a miserable time and a problem with her teammate when we got to the cooking part.
Now I understand how difficult this experience can be at times. And no one has ever said being on a group date is easy, especially when you have feelings growing and developing. My biggest issue so far was that Jubilee wasn't communicating any of this to me at this point. And it was obvious even from a distance that there was a problem with her. And instead of coming to me and telling me that there was a problem, she chose to be passive-aggressive and make snide comments here and there when the rest of us were having fun. Waiting for me to pull her aside and pull it out of her instead of coming to me and telling me there was an issue.
I have no illusions about relationships. I know there will be hard times. Times when my wife and I will fight or disagree or when I will make mistakes. And what I am looking for in a life partner is someone who will love me through those moments. Even when she doesn't like me very much, she will love me still – support me and communicate with me. So as much as I respected and admired Jubilee, and as much as I truly loved my first date with her, that was no longer enough. When she looked me in the eyes and asked if I could still see a future with her, I could no longer honestly say yes. She is a wonderful woman. More than that, she is one of the most impressive people I have ever met in my life. But she wasn't my future wife. And as difficult as that was, I owed it to her – and to myself – to be honest in that moment and walk her out.
JoJo's response to seeing the pain in my face after saying goodbye to Jubilee is a perfect example of that. I know that seeing me upset about another woman is not something JoJo really wants to see or hear about. But despite that she made it a point to pull me aside and support me through what was a very, very difficult time for me. That's the type of partnership I want in my wife, and it meant the world to me that she was willing to put her feelings aside and be there for me in a difficult moment.
Бен мне нравится все больше и больше, такого холостяка я еще не видела! Очень четкий парень!
И мне очень нравится читать его блог, он так искренне все описывает, с нетерпением всегда жду следующий эпизод и его блог!

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

As for the rose, I really could've given it to JoJo. And in retrospect, maybe I should have. But after dealing with Jubilee making me feel the past couple of weeks like she wasn't excited to be here, I wanted to recognize the person that never made me feel that way. The woman that always put our relationship first. And a woman that did struggle last week. I didn't want her feeling what Jubilee had felt, and I wanted that rose to validate to her that I wanted her here and that I appreciated how she had bounced back from a difficult week.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

After what was probably the hardest breakup I had ever had to go through, Lauren H. was the perfect woman to spend the day with. You guys haven't seen much of our relationship so far, but I always just have so much fun with Lauren H. She has such a warm personality and a huge heart. You just can't be with her and not smile the entire time, and I knew she would truly appreciate what I knew was going to be one of the coolest experiences ever.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I mean, I think people get used to seeing us do extraordinary things on our dates, but this wasn't something that was put on for us. This was a HUGE fashion show. Ricardo Covalin was the person you saw in the store and his line, Pineda Covalin, is one of the most prestigious in all of Mexico. That show had millions of dollars on the line for lots of people, and they allowed US to be a part of that. Unreal. Going through that with her and seeing how she just dove into what could have been a terrifying experience just wowed me.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

However, unlike the date with Amanda where there was no question that our relationship was moving forward, this date with Lauren H. was a bit more uncertain. I was absolutely certain that Lauren H. and I could have a great time together. But I really needed to see if there was more to it than that. If we could be more than just great friends. Which made it reallllllllly frustrating when we were ready to sit down for dinner but we couldn't start because there was a drum circle below us on the street that wouldn't stop. It was so loud and we could hardly hear each other talking, and, like I said, being able to communicate on a deeper level was really key to me being able to figure out what Lauren and I could really have with each other. Luckily they finally agreed to stop and move to a different spot so we could talk in peace but I was getting really antsy.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Once we finally did sit down, everything went really, really well though. Hearing Lauren tell me about her past relationship and what is behind her constantly beaming smile and positive attitude really opened my eyes. I have so much respect for a woman who knows that she has a choice whether or not to be happy even when things in her life are difficult. I saw that there is potential for more with us and to see that a potential life with Lauren H. is something that would be filled with laughter and joy at every turn.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Rose ceremonies are never ever easy, but if I am being honest, I went into this cocktail party in Mexico City with a very good idea of what I thought I was going to do. Especially after reflecting on my relationship with Jubilee and where it had gone wrong, it was becoming clearer and clearer to me who I was moving forward with and who I could no longer see something with.
Which is why when Emily came to me about her concerns about Olivia I was really thrown off. I say it every week, but watching this back and seeing what was happening at the party when I wasn't there it all makes so much more sense. But at the time, seeing Emily's emotions really shocked me. And that it was coming from Emily, who up to this point had been one of those women I always knew I could look to for a giant smile, meant a ton. I knew that it had to have been something fairly serious for it to come to this.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

But when Olivia came up right after that, I was still trying to gather my thoughts. Looking back I think I should've just addressed it immediately, but I needed a moment to process everything. I wanted to give Olivia a chance to tell me what she was feeling herself. And then I wanted to talk to a couple of other women that I truly trusted to see if this issue with Emily was just an outlier or if this was a consensus.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Hearing everything from Amanda and Jen, too, one of my biggest fears was being realized. Having someone be inauthentic to me, showing me one person when they really are something else entirely is terrifying. Especially someone who I had been feeling so strongly for to this point. I have heard all of you guys throwing your hands in the air and wondering how I hadn't seen the cracks in Olivia already, but if you take away all the moments that you are seeing with her and the other women and just see what she was showing me, those cracks just weren't there. When I looked at this group of women, Olivia was really someone I could've seen as my wife. And hearing all of this now?! My mind was reeling in a way that it never had before.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

So when Chris Harrison walked in and said it was time for the rose ceremony, I knew what I had to do. I couldn't go into the rose ceremony like this. I just couldn't. I needed to get to the bottom of this with Olivia right then and there, and I don't think you'll be expecting what happens next … (ну прямо заинтриговал! )

I've mentioned dramatic weeks before. And I called this week one of the biggest game-changers of my entire journey. After seeing what happened with Jubilee and Olivia, I think you can see why I said that. What I haven't said yet is that any of these weeks was the most dramatic and possibly most difficult of any week save the last one. What is coming next week is exactly that. What happens next week really rocked me to the core and, frankly, made me question everything.

So get ready, Bachelor Nation, because next week is unlike anything you have ever seen! (опять заинтриговал! :rolleyes: )

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Cheerio

Эмили спит с любимым медвежонком

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

barish

Мексико Сити

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Sharleen Joynt on The Bachelor: Episode 5

Olivia was the first to realize that Ben was up for grabs on their Mexican culinary adventure, ladies!
It’s fun watching this show with fellow former contestants because there are several more sets of critical eyes picking apart every detail. Last night it wasn’t uncommon to hear someone ask aloud, “Do you think the producers told him to give her that rose?” or “That looks like a staged girl chat to you, right?”

Rachel Truehart (Bachelor 16, Bachelor Pad 3) arrived a bit late and asked what she missed. I replied, “Ben just bombarded the girls’ hotel suite at 4:20 a.m. and shined a flashlight in their faces.” Rachel rolled her eyes, “Right, because no Bachelor has ever done that before.”

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

Cheerio

мне кажется Шарлин перегибает палку с её инсайдерским опытом и желанием похвастаться тем, что она так хорошо разбирается в закулисных моментах. Сам факт влияния продюсеров мало что для меня значит, уже давно понятно что это не 100%е риалити. В очередном раскрытии закулисного влияния должен быть смысл, информативность, иначе это выглядит как просто желание поумничать.

__________________
- I thought I knew what to do. I failed.
- Good. Now go fail again.

barish

I was very sad to see Jubilee go last night, and every person in the room agreed it was far sooner than any of us had expected. Ben was very ethical in being honest and not falsely promising her anything, but leading up to that bomb drop I just wanted to shake her. It was so clear Jubilee was sabotaging herself with her extreme jealousy and insecurity. And I truly mean “herself”—not her chances with Ben. Yes, she obviously cared about him and was struggling with feeling invisible and forgotten, but The Bachelor experience is as much about growth and learning about yourself than anything else.
Шарлин права относительно саботажа, я заметила это еще на ИС с Беном, для людей с подобными проблемами очень типично себя саботировать.

You learn how to get along with others when you’ve never felt more alone and, sometimes, feel like you despise everyone around you. Your patience is constantly tested as you wait for many hours on every “date” you’re on, dressed to the nines and with only each other and cocktails as company—all for 20 minutes (if you’re lucky) with your “boyfriend.” (The waiting game is something I still don’t think comes across fully as a viewer. You spend the better part of every day waiting for something—anything!—to happen, but impatience is often mistranslated as anxiety onscreen. Chances are, you just don’t like feeling like your time is being blatantly disregarded and wasted. I assure you, this is one of the most trying aspects of the Bachelor experience.) You’re forced to navigate feelings of jealousy and competition towards girls who have become your roommates and friends. You learn to let your guard down knowing the odds are not in your favour that you won’t get hurt. Honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, it’s an opportunity for self discovery. I don’t think Ben had planned on sending Jubilee home last night or even anytime soon. It was Jubilee who cut her own journey—and thus those growing pains—short by dwelling in a state of inhibition instead of trying to enjoy the Bachelor experience for the thrilling, agonizing, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity it is.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)