Bachelor in Paradise

barish

Now, it’s possible Katie is particularly emotionally demanding of her romantic partners and requires a lot of affirmation (she actually wouldn’t be unique in that), just as it’s possible Bukowski is emotionally reticent, uneffusive or the type to not want to reward his partner with affection just because he feels she’s fishing for it (he wouldn’t be unique in that, either). It’s also possible Katie is indeed asking for the bare minimum and that Bukowski is simply doing the best he can at this point. I don’t believe changing how you behave or communicate is necessarily an indicator of love; what Katie’s asking of Bukowski could be the most unnatural thing in the world to him. But at that point, it comes down to what I believe is the main culprit here: a difference of Love Languages. And I HATE to say this, because again, I am rooting for these two. But I don’t think mismatched love languages are an easy problem to fix. (I ended a former relationship over this and, in retrospect, was right to have done so.) A partner seeking Words of Affirmation can quickly seem (and feel) like she has to fish to feel appreciated, while the other might feel like he’s being prompted to say things he doesn’t mean (or simply doesn’t feel like saying), just to avoid conflict. It’s a tough predicament to solve, and I’m sorry to say, this early on in a relationship, when things should be their most honeymoon-y, it’s not a great sign. Last night, relationships were consistently referred to as “hard work,” the good things being “worth fighting for,” but trust me: in my (considerable) experience, the healthiest relationships are usually the ones that feel easy.

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“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

As usual, I’ll close with the feel-good aspects of this finale: the happy couples. Hannah G and Dylan on the hot seat were a breath of fresh air after Katie and Bukowski.

I know I was critical of Hannah G and her treatment of Dylan early in the season, but they seem to have not only withstood that hurdle but gotten stronger because of it.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Dylan was damn forgiving of Hannah’s escapades with Blake, and at the end of the day, forgiveness is love.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

I’m thrilled for these two and am more than happy to have been wrong about them.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

Finally, the couple that made an otherwise trying season worthwhile: Demi and Kristian.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

While it’s debatable how much this couple technically belonged on Paradise (Kristian isn’t a Bachelor alum and most couples with this story would have gone back home to date), I don’t blame the show for pouncing on such a unique and powerful opportunity to showcase—and help normalize—queer love.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

But best of all, it isn’t just a same-sex love story; it’s a love story between two adults who appear to have the most healthy mutual understanding out of any of the couples there.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

My favourite moment of the whole episode was when Chris Harrison asked each Demi and Kristian, “What do you love about her?” There was so much observation and specificity in their answers, with Kristian calling Demi “courageous” and “intuitive,”and Demi calling Kristian “patient” and “selfless” and a great balance for her.

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

When you consider how much self-acceptance and confidence came part and parcel with these two finding and being together, it’s a particularly beautiful and moving love story. As Demi poetically put it, “I came here to find myself, but I found myself in you.”

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)

barish

__________________
“The only thing that was ever wrong with me was my belief that something was wrong with me.” (c)